The Biggest Communication Problem Is We don't Listen to Understand. We Listen to Reply. Here's How to Improve Your Communication Skill

Imagine someone is speaking with you and expressing their thoughts so you can understand, only for you to wait for the breaks in the discuss, when you think they have finished talking to interrupt with your own piece of information . “Oh, I know how that feels,”, or you say “I experienced the same thing. This was how it went!”

You failed to listen. You create your own ideas and thought, filling the missing details which is different from the issue at hand. You miss the message and the opportunity to understand. Have you ever experienced this? Can you relate with this?

Often, we think we understood what was said, but, the reality is that we spent the whole time formulating a response an answer rather than actually listening. Arguably, listening is the most difficult skill in communication, and we really suck at it.

There is a time frame between hearing and understanding and this varies for different individual, and this is where the trouble starts. This is the point we drift off, starts listening to our thoughts, ideas, correlating with past experience and feelings rather than the person speaking to us. This is the point we lose focus, concentration, understanding and comprehension.

What's the Cause?
Emotional or physical state. Also, habits of picking out points of a conversation that connects with our creed, values, perceptions and pre-existing beliefs.

The gap between what is said and what we hear is also a function of how fast or slow a person speaks. The average person speaks 175 to 200 words per minute, but most people are capable of listening and processing 600 to 1,000 words per minute. As a result, our brain is not always fully focused on what others are saying and goes off in different directions. This prevents us from understanding what is being said.

Competitive Listening. This is when we have a different or negative view or reaction to what the person is saying all because we don’t agree with the person speaking or what he/she is saying. Usually, this leads to a hang off and immediately we stop listening and the conversation is over.

Way Out? Allow Yourself to Understand.
As a fact, we wouldn't always agree with everyone's view, it's part of life and instead of falling into the trap of competitive listening even though we don't agree, we can be deliberate about listening. Here are some tips:

• Be open minded. Though we can't agree with everyone, at least pay attention, focus, listen. We owe that to every discuss. If you find it hard to focus, repeat the key points by heart.
• The big picture. Get the big picture of the discuss. Understand the overall view from the point of the person speaking with you. Don't fall into the trap of grabbing a few point.
• Don't Interrupt. This is pure etiquette. Care to respect the person, give the person time to say whatever he/she has in mind. You can always ask questions for clarity but don't hijack the discuss. This gives you room to also think within and formulate response.
• Early conclusions. Don't be swift to conclude. Have a clear picture of the situation and take a little time to formulate your response.

Note: Its okay to totally disagree with someone, but first understand the person and his point of view.

Let's get the conversation going!!!
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