Under the table; she’s not alone

I’ve taken to my blog to write these days. Not because I need votes or support but rather because something in me seeks expression. The first blog I wrote in the last series about ghosted, I wrote in my blog because I didn’t want it to be seen but someone one of the curators seeked it out and engaged with it. It made me feel heard even though the idea was not to be seen but this is a blockchain right? You won’t know who’s looking and how long could those thoughts be hidden.

Writing in the community makes posts more visible but few persons rarely checks personal blogs unless the tag would somehow give you away.

Well, I woke up this morning feeling under the table. Well, maybe I am not alone. I am not the only one who has been under the table lately. Sapphire has. She’s been been there for God knows how long. How did she get there and what’s she’s doing there?

I felt pity for her, well Sapphire is my teddy. Beautiful brown and white teddy that never hurts anyone. She’s been a loyal companion since I brought her home from my cousins and had occupied a special place in my heart and on my bed. I rarely cuddle her but when I do, we enjoy our moments together. She’s never had to complain maybe because she knows I am not big on teddys. I’ve never had a teddy since I was a child. Having one at older age somehow feels out of place but we do manage.

This period has been very beautiful for me. I choose to be positive. My year is starting on a good note despite the heart break I am having to nurse. It’s difficult starting over and being yourself to do things like you use to. It takes the heart to do that right. But how can it when it needs attention and care. When you see someone whose heart has been broken, a little care, love and patience could help.

Some persons just tells you to move on and be fine like it’s just an easy thing to do. Well, until you be in their shoes, you may never know what empathy is. My experiences as I grow have thought me to be more patient and empathic with people. People are going through a lot and a little kindness would help.

Sometimes what they are going through make them neglect others or their duties such as how I have left Sapphire under the table for God knows how long. I am sure that if she could talk, she would be asking me to forgive her for whatever it is she has done to deserve such negligence.

I wasn’t the one that kept her under the table. I remember keeping her on the reading chair and there were heaps of clothes on her when I returned late January and tried to clean up the bed and the room. I guess it was one of those cleaning up period she fell under and had been there ever since.

My friend came to the room last week and saw her under the table, still in that same position and exclaimed, what’s Sapphire doing under the table? I told her that I don’t even know how she got there and that I had even taken pictures of her and I intend to write a post about her under the table. That’s because it’s synchronized with just where I am right now.

I feel like she’s not alone. I am under that table too. Stuck just like her. I feel like I’ve been at a spot for so long. I want to come out or maybe not. Well as I write this, I am going to pause and take her out from under the table back to her place beside me on the bed. Maybe as I do, goodness would be kind enough to take me out of this rut and I’d start living again.

So here she is, right where she belongs, my precious side. Cuddled with loving hands and on my part, knowing I could use all the love and help right now. With no strength and teary eyes, the only prayer I know I could muster is El-roi, help me. Have mercy on me!