The Only Thing You Need to Hear During a Breakup

Someday you are going to find yourself in a relationship.

Maybe it is a long term thing, and maybe it is just the beginning of something potentially long term.

You are going to be cruising along, thinking everything is great -- that you are both on the same page -- both working towards a bright future together.

And then, suddenly, and without warning, your significant other is going to pull the plug on the whole operation.

Depending on the kind of person you were with, you might not even get the courtesy of a text message, never mind an in person conversation.

That sucks.

A lot.

But honestly, in the long run it is probably better than those who get the sit down, come to Jesus, "Why I have decided to end things", conversation.

And look, I get it. I've been that person my whole life. That person who needed to know WHY, and HOW, and WHAT could I have done? I feel entitled to the explanation, given everything we had gone through, and everything we had meant to one another. I thought the conversation would give me the closure I needed to move on. I thought it would make me feel better about the person I loved rejecting me.

But it never did.

So listen close my dear dumpie, because I am going to tell you something that is going to change your life.

The next time you find yourself on the receiving end of a break up conversation, I want you to do one simple thing.

As your former lover attempts to pour out their heart to you about how much you still mean to them, and how much they still really care about you, and how much they really hope you can still be friends, all I want you to do is repeat one word over and over again in your mind as you smile and nod empathetically.

"Horseshit."

That's it.

That's all.

That's all you need to say.

Not out loud --Unless you want to -- But at least in your mind -- Over and over and over again.

"Horseshit"....."This is Horseshit"......"So much Horseshit".....

Because really -- You honestly don't need to hear ANY of the rest of what they have to say.

Trust me, what they have to say is not for your benefit. It's for theirs. They aren't saying this stuff because they care deeply about your feelings or the relationship they just decided to haphazardly walk away from. The only person they are thinking about is themselves. They know they are doing something pretty shitty, and they don't want to feel like a shitty person, and they don't want you to think they are a shitty person, so they are going to say whatever they need to in order to assuage their own shitty feelings about themselves.

You don't need to hear any of it.

In fact, you so don't need to hear it that, if possible, you should really try and avoid the whole conversation in the first place.

Here is the only thing you need to know.

The ONLY thing you need to ask.

Repeat after me...

"Do you still want a romantic relationship with me?"

Not FRIENDSHIP, not BUDDY, not FACEBOOK FRIEND, not FRIEND WITH BENEFITS...

Do you still want a real invested romantic relationship with me?

If they say no -- Walk away.

If they can't give you a straight answer -- Walk away.

If they try and renegotiate the terms of what it actually means to be in a "real" relationship -- Walk the HELL away.

Here is the thing about relationships.

They are hard enough when BOTH people are fully invested and fighting for them.

So long as both parties WANT to be there, then you are free to talk about the details and the dynamics, because, again, you BOTH ....WANT....to be there.

But the second one person decides it's over, then their reasons, and excuses, and validations have nothing, zip, zero, nadda to do with you.

And even IF it is entirely your fault that the relationship is ending, then it STILL doesn't matter what they have to say about it.

Look at it this way.

When you and your soon to be ex were both in it to win it, it was like you were both highly skilled surgeons, and your relationship was like your joint patient. It was a living breathing entity, with needs, and wants, and it required BOTH of you to take care of it. But one day, maybe your patient gets sick. In your mind, this means that it is time for you and your co-doctor companion to sit down and figure out a plan of action and treatment in order to save the life of your patient (relationship). So when your companion decides to abruptly terminate the relationship, it is tantamount to them euthanizing your patient without consulting you first.

And who knows, maybe that puppy deserved to be put down, but that's not the point. The point is that THEY chose to take relationship ending action without consulting you. Without giving you the chance to make changes, or improve the situation. They just grabbed a nice thick syringe full of death juice and shot it straight into the vein of your relationship.

Trust me, if they wanted to save that patient, they would have. But they didn't. They killed it. They literally killed it without asking you how you felt about it. They didn't consult your expert advice, because they didn't care enough to. They were done treating the patient, and they decided that it was time for them to die.

So again I say, it matters no 2 red shits what they have to say about WHY they did it. The WHY isn't going tot bring the patient back. You asking them WHY is not going to bring them back. And this whole, "Let's be friends" horseshit ... is tantamount to you guys pulling the dead corpse out of the closet every once in awhile to see how it's decayed, as opposed to doing the honorable thing, which is to give it the proper burial it deserves.

The ONLY thing you need to hear from your person, is that they are no longer interested in continuing on.

That's it.

The rest is going to be nothing short of their attempts to Jedi mind trick you into believing that you didn't just waste the last (insert amount of time here) of your life with a person who was obviously not as invested in this thing as you were.

Again, they are doing this to justify their actions to you, and to themselves, and you need not be any part of it. Let them justify it to themselves on their own time. You don't need to hear it. Nay, you do not WANT to hear it.

You deserve better.

You deserve someone who is going to fight for you patient, for your relationship. You deserve someone who is going to look for a solution that doesn't involve jumping ship at the first sign of rough waters. You deserve a doctor who looks for cures, and not the easy way out. You deserve someone who actually does give a shit about what you have to say about the whole thing BEFORE a decision like that is made.

You deserve better.

Now DEMAND better.