Fatigué de toi qui me rend jaloux (Tired of You Making Me Jealous)

Jealousy...
A very powerful emotion that a person can feel.
Be it a love relationship, family relationship, or even a relationship with a label of "dating".
Not sure though if this can be considered as a relationship.

I still consider myself a newbie in the world of dating.
I never had a boyfriend before.
Maybe that would give you a hint about me.

We've been dating for a year already.
We've been to numerous dates that I've already lost count of it.
And still, you haven't pop any question or gave me any hint if you'll give whatever we have a shot.

Fine, we'll have it your way.
I know we're at the point in our lives where everything is just starting.
I'm enjoying anything that we have now.

There's a tiny problem though...

Why do you always have to make me jealous?
Why do you always have to bring up your "crushes", "other girls" in the picture?
Why do you have to tell me that those girls even asked for your hand for marriage?
Why do you even send their photos to me?

The thing is...
You are already hurting me.

I don't know if you're just doing this on purpose.
I don't know if you just want to fish out any reaction from me.
I don't know if you're just low-key pushing me out of your life.
I don't know if maybe you're doing this to boost your ego.
I don't know.

You see, I've already looked at myself so lowly.
I've been comparing myself to the girls you're telling me about.
None of those girls are on the same level as me.
They all have established careers, are of the same age as yours, some even life in the same region as you do.

And me?
I just graduated from college.
I am still going to job interviews in the hopes of getting a real job aside from doing freelance work online.
I don't have any savings under my name yet.

You constantly tell me the things you like in a girl.
Being the girl who likes and have fallen for you, I tried so hard to fit in those standards of yours.

Yeah, you have read it right.
I have fallen for you...

Why?
You were always a gentleman.
You let me feel safe whenever I'm around you.
You gave me long lingering hugs, the ones I've never had from any other guys.
You bought me medicine when I was sick.
You gave me something you got for me during one your trips abroad. Even if I didn't ask for it, nor I am expecting to receive one.
You always acted sweet whenever we're together.
You even drove me home late at night even if I insisted for you to just drop me off at a bus stop.

You actually have the qualities I've been looking for a guy.

As much as I wanted to tell you about how I feel, I couldn't.
I'm afraid you'll be like the other people who won't reciprocate my feelings.
I've had many unrequited love experiences already.
To the point I have built walls and never wanted to feel this stupid feeling ever again.

I've been sizing you up since day one, but I can't seem to see clearly.

There have been times wherein at the end of our date, you'll tell me to find someone who lives within the city.
You don't know how much I dread that point.

You actually never failed to remind me about it.
You even mentioned that during one of our conversations online.

I actually happen to have some guts and asked you if you already got tired of seeing me.
You always respond by saying, "You're young. You should take advantage of it.".

I'm not really into dating a lot of guys at once and for fun.
I know what I want and what I don't.

Yesterday, you made me jealous for the fifth time.
Suddenly, I realized that I already grew tired of it.
That maybe you just don't really like me at all.
Maybe you don't feel anything for me at all.
That maybe for sure, this is your subtle way of pushing me away.

You've been giving me mixed signals.

Can you do me a favor?
Please just get to the point.
I don't really have the guts to ask you about it.
A way of respect, please tell me what you feel.
Please tell me what your real intentions are.

I am already tired of thinking.
I am already tired of assuming things.
I am already sick and tired of you crushing my heart, then put those fallen pieces together again just to break them again.

Please, give this lady a break...