Dear Diary... I Feel Drained
Today I went to my usual creative writing class in Lang'ata Maximum Women Prison. I was late due to a ridiculous traffic jam and by the time I was getting to class, the girls (inmates) were practicing a skit they plan on performing this December.
After saying my whispered hallos, I went into a room they use to study law to sit with a colleague who wasn't participating in the act. He was with someone I regard as a good friend serving some three years over a drug trafficking charge.
As soon as I sat, Mr. Peter (the colleague) excused himself to allow Thea share what they called bad news. My heart raced and having the benefit of having served a sentence there, I braced for the worst.
We were discussing the rumor that has been spreading around since my last class on Thursday when a guard demanding I never ever be left alone with Thea again stormed the room. I wanted the world to open wide and swallow me whole.
You see, the accusation was leaning on homosexuality which is very illegal in Kenya. Apparently, my hugging Thea so tight than the other inmates was translated to us being lovers. It is the signal for 'something is going on between two inmates for those behind bars in Kenya'.
My colleagues had to come and defend me as inmates have no right to such pleasures so I am in the clear but I am still hurt. Somebody lied about me. Someone among the people I have devoted my Tuesday and Thursday mornings. If that accusation somehow stuck this is Kenya, anything is possible, I would've gotten a FOURTEEN-year sentence as soon as this afternoon.
I wonder if I should still keep going there for my classes... Because I have this life-threatening fear of ending up in prison as a prisoner.
Pixabay.
Moving on...
December is close and I still can't figure out how I will handle it. Much needs to be done and Steem is swimming in low prices... so as much as one wants to spend so much time here and interact, real life remains too stubborn for such. Life can be such a bitch... literally.
Having that in mind then recalling that interaction here is still so hard... I somehow feel lost. Ain't we the same people who upvote posts we haven't read? I have done it a few times and to me, it feels like cheating.
Why, you ask?
If a contest happening over at @eye4art for the last 3 days got a few eyes on it, probably we would have more than one contestant. I appreciate you @kimberlylane!
Should I go on with the project I wonder. Interaction truly can give someone the morale to keep going even as there are no rewards. Interaction can help those of us seeking to better our craft. Interaction can save a soul somewhere out there.
Why do we keep pushing? How do we keep pushing? Where does the strength to brush aside our 'issues' for a greater picture come from? My well is running low on everything!
I should stop typing. And this my way of silencing my demons so kindly approach this as more than a rant.
Really sorry to hear that dear, I hope it sorts out soon. Why in the World are the Guards so damn Paranoid anyways?
It doesn't appear there would be a steem price miracle anytime soon, so I guess it might be a bit overboard to plan financially with steem
I totally forgot about the @eye4art contest. I came across the post, but it somehow just skipped me, maybe because I haven't written any poetry in a while.
Our prison system is still run by old laws which were set up by colonialists when they were around. Those in prison especially women have no right to look at the opposite sex. You really don't want to know the reason.
I am not planning a future on Steem, I just mentioned it will be hard to do so when prices are this low with my instability. It's more I can't be here more because I have major goals from December.
About the contest... I am giving up on trying too much. Anyways... Thank you so much for your thoughts and coming ♡
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Thanks, @tezmel :)
Like you, I read the posts, not just upvote, and that takes a little more time. I think I'd probably have a higher reputation score if I used auto-voting or hired some bots, but I haven't. Not that I judge anyone for doing so, it's mostly that I don't want to figure it out or be responsible for blindly upvoting a post I might not even like if I read.
Sounds to me like someone in your group is probably jealous--either because they have feelings for you or they're envious of your writing. Of course take that opinion or leave it, just my own projections.
Do hope your heart feels a lift tonight~
It's sad that a community that growth was the main agenda when I came here is turning to this. Comments are constant here if you are a known dolphin or whale.
Funny that you say that... My colleague, Mr Peter, who is around 60 something, mentioned something like envy. His version is that either whoever started the whole saga wants me or they have a problem with what I am doing there.
Thank you so so much for the support (with the contest) and your being here ♡
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Cyber (((HUGS))) to you ;) Not the kind that can get you in trouble, just with genuine admiration.
Lol! Thank you... Your love is appreciated ♡
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I am so sorry you had to experience such fear, @tezmel. 😔 I know how much your work in the prison has meant to you, after reading all of your Steemit posts about it. How sad that it was tainted by this experience! I hope things get easier for you soon.
It is still so unbelievable. Thea, the friend I extended my seconds in her arms is from South Africa and unapologetically gay which I know largely contributed to the traditional bigotry, was shook by the whole saga. It's legal where she comes. She worriedly offered to drop the class and she's among the best I have in that project. It broke my heart. I hope I will manage Thursday morning.
Thank you so very much for coming ♡
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I am lost for words ... the fear of being criminalised for even seeming like I might have feelings for someone is a fear I have never known, and I can't even imagine how horrible it must be. 😔I hope that you and Thea will be okay! Sending you both all of my support from afar. ❤
The friendship should be fine but today she was banned from class and I am not sure when she'll be allowed back. I feel for her.
Thank you so much for your love... It's appreciated ♡
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