Death Part 1 and 2

Death: Is not the end, We are eternal. So says the most ancient spiritual philosophies all through infinity, and so you taught me. But, if that is the case, then why did yours destroy me as it did? Leaving me reverted back to the state of a horribly frightened infantile child in an adult body who feels like they lost everything, and leaving me to pick up the pieces from there, and relearn everything all over again. Sure it spun me quick into another stage of awakening, if that is even worth anything. So I have yet to figure out if your loss is fortunate or unfortunate (or both since the universe is paradoxical). The only solace is what I consider signs that you are still present, and didn't really die afterall, though most of the time I am unsure if it is an actual sign, or just a clinging to a false hope that you are actually still there.
My posts about you today might seem darker than ones from what we here call the past, but as I fluctuate between all emotions(seems Bi-Polar as Western Medicine would call it), future thoughts on you will most likely be light hearted, and then the cycle will repeat
Death changes someone, especially one this close to home, it is a major wakeup call that I was never expecting, because I sincerely never thought it would happen to you. You of all people dying on me, never once crossed my mind until the day it happened, but somehow in retrospect of my worrying mind, I may have subconsciously foresaw it, but never consciously aware to do anything to help change your fate

(part II of) Death: Maybe I'll suffer over it for a long time, but maybe it can also be taken as a lesson that I can stand on my own two feet, move on, and realize that there are others out there, other than just you. So with that said, as I have pondered and dwelled in what happened constantly within the last year and a half, despite how much on this subject I went to you for truth and clarity on, because of what happened I realize that there is something I must do
As of now, I am closing the Conspiracy "Theory" chapter of my life(maybe temporarily, maybe for good). Because I find myself growing intensely apathetic, and semi-nihilistic to all of it, and my mind despite how true this information is, is breaking well past its burning point, and a lot of information, while still true, I can no longer handle(I don't know if I ever could, because it just made me more of a fucking mess and alienated from the beginning). I have realized that despite all of the evil going on, I have a life to live, and plans too, so why should I allow something negative to deter me from that?
Even if GOVERNMENT (or the cabal, or the NWO, or the Illuminati, and the satanic cults, and whatever else people want to call them) is as evil as we have always known and discussed, constantly dwelling on that darkness does not help create a better world full of light, because if thoughts are dark, then the mindset is dark, and since thought and mindset, and individual focused will and intention determines reality for that individual(something you always taught me), then dwelling in the dark, will only invite darkness into reality
Even if GOVERNMENT is as evil and henious as we have always known and discussed, I have come to the realization that, it is no longer my problem, because when those entities of negativity, die and return to source, they will get back what they put into our energy fields 1000(one thousand)fold, as we all do
Call it God, call it Karma, call it Judgement Day, call it what you will, if you have done something wrong or criminal, it will come back to kick your ass, no matter what, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even centuries from now, but it will eventually
So I am closing that conspiracy "theory" chapter of my life, because I know that whatever bad things are out there(or within), will eventually meet their maker, who will make them receive a just punishment for their actions, if I do not do that(cause maybe I am not meant to save the world afterall, even if I want too), then something or someone else who is meant too surely will
The same is also applied(with a little different terminology from the side of the light) to all that is good. What we give out, we receive back tenfold or more