End of life ethics in the modern age

As the human race has progressed with our health care and medicine in the 21st century I have been wondering if we aren't at an ethical cross roads. I would like to share my personal story of a family member at the end stages of her life.

Two months ago my mother in law fell down and injured herself internally, that prompted a trip to the hospital where they discovered that she was bleeding internally from the colon. The hospital physician wasn't feeling particularly confident that day and had her medivacted to a bigger city. They were able to stabilize her for the night but in the morning she had a heart attack, followed by two more over the next day. My wife got the call that they would need to do open heart surgery, she had what they called "The Widow Maker".

Remarkably she made it through the surgery with 4 bypasses, but the blood thinner caused the colon to start bleeding again, she almost died again. Then ten days later her leg needed surgery because it wasn't getting blood flow. Two days later they had to amputate the leg. Then the other leg started to die, they amputated that one too. And some of the medicine they gave her caused a pressure wound on her butt. It became so infected that it ate through to the bone.

She is having fluid on the lungs, and had to have a tracheostomy to be able to talk.

It is hard to see this happening to another human being. So very sad. This whole terrible situation has made me think about where do we draw the ethical line on where we are saving a life or just artificially postponing the inevitable. Not even 100 years ago in this same situation she would have passed away from the heart attack, hopefully peacefully.

Now she is in an assisted living rehabilitation center, insurance gives her 100 days of care. After that her options are very limited. Her wounds are so bad that every two hours they have to use a lift to rotate her position. She is getting nutrition from a feeding tube, and has to wear diapers as she is unable to use the bathroom.

If I were in the same condition I would not want to continue to live. I feel like the hospital only went through all those surgeries because they are a teaching hospital. Are we as a society expecting doctors to play God, even in cases where the patients would be best served to peacefully fade off into the afterlife?

This has been hardest on my wife, she has been by her side for over two and a half months. Watching her mother slowly and agonizingly be cut up, poked and prodded, having diapers changed and eating through a tube. Only able to talk through a trach. So much sadness, watching your loved ones decline like that.

I've decided to get myself a living will, make some hard decisions now myself so that my family doesn't have to do it for me if something were to ever happen.

I am contemplating my own mortality lately, the fear of death and the chill of finality. We all are going to die, the hope is that we are right with God and the universe when the time comes, passing quickly with family around. Not to slowly fade away over months of pain and agony until we just give up on life.