Sometimes I Feel Like Recovery is Impossible
The past couple of days, depression has rendered me nearly comatose. Unbearable despair and dread, you know, the dark uncomfortable feelings depression surrounds you with. I've felt so moribund. My face only capable of holding a heavy frown with my eyes dull and half open. I chose to stay in my room because I couldn't animate a different face this time, I couldn't muster a cheery "I'm okay" this time if people were to enter the room. I talk about my mental illness and how it affects me a lot, so many might think when it encroaches upon me that I'd display it, but unless I can't escape a situation to hide it when it is severe, that is far from true.
When I fall so low, it takes over completely. I can't find relief in anything that should even help on a smaller level. Positive or negative coping mechanisms don't work nor do they appeal, so I am left hanging in limbo. I'm hanged by the throat but I'm not dying. Each breath is too much work but my body keeps breathing. I'm limp and I am tired but I just can't sleep. I know I am seeing in color but my mind interprets it as grey. I'm feeling burnt out.
In moments like these, no amount of therapy, medication, positive thinking, meditation, or anything else, seems like it will ever help me feel better.
Hey @mandyteacup, thanks for sharing this. It takes a lot of efforts and courage just to give voice to our minds in such moments, so please, be kind to yourself.
I just wrote a post about anxiety and depression, it's a glimpse of my experience but maybe some words can resonate with you today.
Keep strong, you are not alone, you are loved. <3
https://steemit.com/selflove/@kimlucy/late-night-thoughts-2-or-how-i-shaped-my-relationship-with-anxiety-and-depression
Thank you, @kimlucy. My mind is a little clearer at this moment, I don't know how long it will last. Taking the opportunity to get back to those I haven't been able to. I will take a look at your post. Thank you for sharing it with me.
Semua ada hikmahnya, semoga segera mendapatkan kebaikan
It is never easy to cope with depression, sometimes it just suddenly comes on and you can't help but feel helpless.
I still get it time to time but I have been lucky enough to control it mentally without any medication.
I hope it passes and you feel a bit better soon enough!
@thegoliath, thanks. It is great you are able to control it without medication. Some seem more vulnerable to tipping below the scale of self-manageable.
I hope I feel better soon too. I want to get posting here more!
I can relate in the sense of depression. Sorry you are having a hard time. I wish I had words to help elevate your spirits.
I know that when I am at my lows, I look to God for happiness. It at least helps me keep moving forward. While it doesn't always help, it's the only way for me to cope sometimes.
I appreciate your comment @bitfiend. I am glad you have a helpful way to keep moving forward, and to cope. It's important we all have something or someone to find comfort in.
Unfortunately, I know exactly how you feel.
It is great that you can put it into words and let it out. Sometimes it helps a tiny bit.
Hope you get better soon! :)