A reflection on Motivation

Today has been a struggle for me. Mentally I haven't been the most positive and my body has had some weird pains go through it, but nonetheless I soldiered on and continued working on my side hustle (FYI I will never name it more than this) and also met a number of lovely people during the day (Angus, Sean, Phil, etc).

What I think, however, it is that is really holding me down is my constant search for a meaning / purpose to my existence. and yes I know how stereotypical / cliche that is, but I think that is the core of it. I think the searching is frustrating, because I fear making the wrong decision, even though I know that all decisions are "wrong" in some way. Although they are all "right" in some way as well... Just a classic mind-fuck.

I do not have any thing that is motivating me in a direct way and I am not sure what that intrinsic motivation should be.
Money is nice to have, but only in a system where it is needed. At the moment I am working to make more money in a diversified way, but undoubtedly as soon as I have achieved my goals then it will become relatively uninteresting to me insofar as money is a goal in itself.

So I need something else. Helping others is always a good one. Being present for those most close to me in my life is also another good one, such as my girlfriend, my flatmate, my friends, my mother, my father, my sister and others. Hosting others where I can, either friends or through Couchsurfing, etc. What other things can you guys think of?

Now isn't it funny that as I get to the end of this little blog post, that suddenly I am feeling more relaxed and better?
Part of my intrinsic worth to the world is sharing, as everytime I post a blog or a video or a photo I feel like I've contributed a bit in some way. I suppose it's also a fad at the moment to feel better after posting (hell it helps Steem, facebook, instagram, etc etc), but I also like that it keeps me busy. I think that laziness is the core reason for a lot of these stressful feelings I have and thank you for reading to the end. I hope you also see the joy in doing.