This is a subject I have been working to wrap my head around yet again for the last year. There was a moment, where I had a lot of free time, to sit by the edge of rivers and meditate into the moment. I thought I had finally figured it out, living one day at a time, letting everything go that might hold me back or hold me down. Then complications arose, complex ptsd complications. All over again I have struggled with ruminations, feeling that I diverged from my proper path, then I found my way back. Back to the rivers and the forests I hadn't made the time for after starting my new job and succumbing to narcissistic manipulation. Now mindfulness is back at the forefront of my self care. It had made a world of difference, and things seem to be falling into place again. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I hope you don't mind me sharing my experience here in the comments. May we all find those moments of pure experience.