I knew we were connected in more than one way. I have a pretty shitty taste in men too, but a very good taste in friends! Usually people that I call a friend, will remain friends forever. Men...not so much. What a great thing to have in common LOL. But I share the same feelings too. I've had it with relationships, and am quite happy on my own with the kids without having an extra (bigger) kid around.
However, I have to disagree with you about something here (oh NO! Our first argument, LOL). Of course, I'm not always right. In my opinion, it is the sub conscious that gives us this JippeedeeYay feeling when we fall for someone. It's the subconscious that remembers those patterns from our childhood. And it's the conscious mind that reacts. However, the deep 'gut' feeling we have, when deep inside we know that this person is not the right one for us, comes from the unconscious mind (who's there to protect us). However, the subconscious then says: 'No, no, no, it's great, and I need this and want this.' And the conscious mind ignores the unconscious...Tells itself: 'Let's just follow the heart.' When in reality, we're not following our heart, but those vibrations coming from the subconscious telling us to go for it..
Does this make sense? I know, I babble a lot. LOL.
Funny thing, and I wonder if you have the same: I'm ALWAYS very well capable to scope out when a partner is not right for someone else...just not for me...
I had that same feeling we were connected in many ways. I honestly think it's a very tiny percentage of people who have any clue at all what a healthy relationship even looks like. I certainly don't.
Your distinction between the unconscious and subconscious makes perfect sense to me. There are so many voices going in my head 😂
And yes! I totally watch others making horrible partner choices often.
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Well, I think that a healthy relationship is when the partners are equal in every way. When they can be themselves. They don't have to always agree, but they do have to come to some sort of understanding. In my life, I've seen a few of these kinds of relationships. Two of my friends have it. Then I also have friends who are not 100% happy in their relationship all the time, but who stay with the other because it works 80% of the time. I think I would have given up by then.
The thing is, all my relationships started out like that. I think I have a problem seeing the narcissist in them. Maybe that's what narcissists do. Because my three major relationships in my life, they were all three narcissists. One even psycho on top of that (bad, bad combi). Turns out, there are different kinds of narcissists, and all three were different. If they weren't, I would have been able to scope them out beforehand.
As for the second one (the narcissist psycho), NO ONE, even his best friends ever expected the games he would play. His two best friends knew him since they were kids, and they were as surprised as I was. So I don't really blame myself for anything, because if they didn't know, then how could I have predicted how vicious he really was.
I think it's how we learn. And the thing is too, we're both now at a point where we don't want or need a relationship. I think that if or when we do meet someone down the line, this lack of co-dependency or the need for someone will also be known and felt by the other. I don't know, I have this theory that we've attracted these idiots, because somehow we vibrated some sort of 'need' and with those kinds of vibrations, it's really the only thing we can attract.
I also have a special thing for narcissists. I should just assume that if I'm attracted to someone, they're a narcissist. I've also had many different kinds. They're sneaky like that.
I agree that being totally confident and comfortable in my Independence makes a huge difference in what I attract. The neediness never attracts anything good.
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So true! I think I just had to go through my relationships so I could learn that I really only needed what I already had: myself (and the kids). I've become stronger and I don't regret a thing. And to be honest, I think I've always been too independent and stubborn to 'share' the kids with anyone or make decisions with someone not on the same level as I am. I know deep in my heart that even though I'm not perfect, I know what's best for my kids, and having to struggle and argue to get to where I think they should be, is just too much hassle. In all relationships (with the donors, LOL) I had to either argue about things like unassisted birth, no vax etc. or they really didn't give a damn. Either way was wrong. If the other is not on the same line of thoughts, it will never work. In that case, I'd rather be alone and have good friends.
Me too. I can't even remember what I was seeking because I'm so content now.
I'm also really bad at sharing parenting. I know what I'm doing, and I don't need some fool coming along and messing with my program 😂. Like you said, too much hassle. Took a week to even name the 4th baby. Why can't people just trust I'm right?! 😂😂
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