What is something you want to get off chest...

I am a single Indian woman of ‘marriageable’ age. My family has been looking for a suitable match for me since 2 years but nothing has materialized. Prior to this I have used dating apps to try my luck at ‘finding love’. Didn’t happen. I met some really beautiful people there though who have gone on to become some very treasured friends. One of these friends gets along extremely well with me and we have a great time with each other. We are chatting almost all the time and we like each other’s company. Oh! I tremendously like his company. He annoys me and pokes fun at me too but he is always mindful to not hurt me. We can talk about anything and are blatantly honest with each other. Our communication is so clear that we never hesitate from even calling each other ‘ugly’ whenever we feel like. That is not how we talk to others.

I like this boy. I like him very much. We are both young, single, great together and I will be all smiles if we land up together. We both like each other but we want very different things from a relationship. He, on one hand, wants a casual relationship and no commitment, not now and not in the future. On the other hand, I need commitment because I am exhausted of being deserted by people. He has asked me out a few times and I have asked him out a few times but ultimately we are just ‘friends’ because none of us can budge on our requirements. I don’t say he is wrong but because we want two completely different things, we are not able to be together. Meanwhile we are looking for a match for me. He knows it. He feels jealous too. It is always so nice being with him but as soon as we again realize that we cannot be together, I start to have a sinking feeling inside my heart.

He is a little older than me and his parents have told him about their willingness to get him married recently. He told them he is not ready and willing. I feel like going to his home and telling his mom that I want to marry her son and so she need not look for someone else.

What I want to get off my chest? I may get married to someone else knowing that there is someone I so adore. And whats more? I am looking for that someone else! It is so hard a feeling to explain. I wish we could be together.