Spoon-Fed Memories - Finish the Story Edition #36

in #finishthestory7 years ago

       Below is my entry for the 36th editon of the Finish the Story Contest which is now hosted by the benevolent @Bananafish.

       This week's script was written by @Calluna, who weaves worlds with words that wrap around you through the end of her stories. Check out her blog and treat yourself to her fiction and poetry. While you're there, try your hand at her Tell A Story To Me contest!

Image via pixabay

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Spoon-fed Memories

story beginning by @Calluna

“When I was your age, I was quite the wild one. Ahhh that look, that ‘sure granny’ look, well if you don’t believe me.”

The underpaid nurse attempting to spoon-feed the elderly lady sat, heaped spoon waiting for a pause between words.

“I had quite the adventure, back when I was twenty-two, I never told your mam about this one”

Susie suppressed a sigh, every resident took her as a different relative. They used a warm, familiar tone with her, looking into her eyes, and seeing those of another. She’d given up correcting them, not one of them could remember her name.

“It was during the war, your grandpa worked intelligence out of one of those top-secret northern bunkers, that’s where he got that compass you used to love playing with.”

There was something about never been seen as herself that was starting to eat at Susie. At first, she’d pitied them, unable to see things for what they were, but as time went by, every word spoken to her, meant for another, began to cut.

“It’s been two months since I'd had a letter from him, and well, you can imagine what I thought when a man in uniform knocked at the door.”

Finally catching a pause in the residents flow, Susie swooped in with a spoon full of buttery mash, beaded with peas. For loud, sloppy moments the lady chewed, and trying to draw on her compassion, Susie smiled, scooping up another spoonful.

“Well my heart dropped and I nearly fainted before he could speak. That awkward young officer grabbed my hands, looking me firm in the eyes, ‘He’s not dead Mrs Ellerton, he’s fine, I just need you to come with me’. I’ve never packed a bag so fast in my life!”

Susie quickly exploited the dramatic moment, dropped another spoon of mash, this time laked with stewed beef and gravy, into the open mouth. She used to hate herself for finding those too far gone to chatter away easier, avoiding the talkers, but despite her best evasions, she’d got stuck with conversational Mrs Ellerton today.

“We sped down those country roads, whizzing up north, in hours. He told me nothing on the way, offering only that Nick would tell me when we got there. I’d had no idea what to bring, and had frantically thrown everything I could think of into my bag, as we drove up I began to realise all the things I’d not thought of, but there was no turning back, I could tell by the way that officer gripped the wheel we were in a hurry!”

Mrs Ellerton wasn’t letting up, Susie glanced at the clock, her shift was due to finish in ten minutes, but she couldn’t go anywhere until the old bag wrapped it up. Putting the spoon down, she tried to fight the rising anger, and decided to try and get Mrs Ellerton to cut to the chase.

“So why had your husband had you brought there?”

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My entry

Eyeing the door as she leaned closer to Susie, the woman whispered, “For a mission.” Then she settled herself against her pillow and waited for a reaction to her dramatic reveal.

The beige tray in Susie’s hand began to tremble as her grip on it tightened in frustration. At this rate, she’d be stuck listening through the third shift! Forcing interest into her tone, she asked the expected question. "What kind of mission?"

"You see, the location of the bunker had been compromised. My Nick and a few others had orders to abandon the facility. They were relocating the families to another location so that we couldn't be used against the intelligence agents. Our mission was to slip into fake identities and blend in. Once there we'd mmpph..."

Another spoonful of squishy mush cut off the ridiculous story Mrs. Ellerton was spinning. The end of her shift was so close and she wasn't in the mood for a Saturday afternoon war drama!

Through the smacking sounds of chewing, the old woman spoke around her food, "I had been sent to live in a circus and there was this elephant..."

Susie's hold on her thread thin patience was about to slip when a cheerful voice filled the room.

"Good evening, Mrs. Ellerton!" Doctor Conners tilted his head to Susie in greeting, adding in "And nurse!" His dark eyes took in the half eaten meal then gave Susie an understanding wink. Turning to his patient he asked, "Why don't I take over here and you can finish telling me your story, Moira?"

A frown began to form on the old bag's face as Susie leapt to her feet. Grateful for the lifeline the balding doctor had thrown her, she handed him the tray. This time, the enthusiasm in her voice was real. "Thank you, doctor! Great timing!" Her voice lowered a bit as she gave him a bit of warning. "She was just getting to the part about the elephants."

His eyebrows shot up and she knew that he was holding back a laugh. The man was a saint. Susie gave her farewells and fled from the room, pretending not to hear the plea of "Come back tomorrow, Sarah!" from the bed.


Doctor Conners shook his head at the fleeing nurse as he placed the tray of mush on the table. "You were right," he said as the old woman threw back the blanket and stood. "Her reconditioning is almost complete."

'Mrs. Ellerton' stretched and winced. Lying in bed all day to test the effectiveness of Langston's brainwashing was hell on her back! Giving Conners a glare she snipped, "Of course I'm right! How many years have we been doing this?" She made her way to the bathroom and her toothbrush. The disgusting film from the peas and potatoes in her mouth had to go.

"Did she show any response to the name of her fellow agent?"

'Mrs. Ellerton' spat the water and toothpaste into the sink. "Does disinterest and a desire to smother me with my pillow count? The mentions of Nick, the bunker and the compass didn't elicit a response." Her voice took on a proud tone. "I give it less than a week before nurse Susie decides to quit." She strode past Conners and slipped on her robe. "Will there be jobs waiting for her?"

He adjusted his glasses and smiled. "There are several wonderful opportunities waiting for the former Miss Sarah."

'Mrs. Ellerton' gave him a teasing look of confusion. "I don't know who you're talking about, dear. There's only Susie, now."

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This post was submitted for curation by: @theironfelix
This post was given a rating of: 0.9828604422498285
This post was voted: 100%

Many thanks to both you and @theironfelix for your kindness! 😁

I've read a few of finish-the-story entries this week and yours is my favourite, to be honest <3 i like how you twist things at the end, it's really cool :)

Thank you, Veryspider! 🤗 There were so many terrific entries that I had difficulty in picking my favorite. I'm glad that you liked the twist as I have a lot of fun writing those.

I hope that you have a great day!

How nice to see you in the fiction realms of the potassium deity 🙂

This is just such an incredible ending! You maintain the characters, building on the first half to add depth and meaning to them. Right up until the twist, it reads just like a very well picked up ending. her using the wrong name, perfect, but then the actual ending. my word, you just blew me away! <3

Thank you, Calluna! There were so many directions to take when picking up where your story left off and to know that you enjoyed it makes me really happy! 😁

Hi brisby,

This post has been upvoted by the Curie community curation project and associated vote trail as exceptional content (human curated and reviewed). Have a great day :)

Visit curiesteem.com or join the Curie Discord community to learn more.

Thank you so much! Knowing how much time and effort that goes into reviewing all of the posts submitted makes me even more appreciative that you felt my story was worthy of the term 'exceptional'!

I hope that you have a wonderful day as well! 😁

A new twist on the Manchurian Candidate. Very nicely spun, @brisby!

Okay, I'll admit it. I've not seen (or read) the Manchurian Candidate. (Brisby ducks behind oncoming tomatoes. 😂) Having looked it up though, not only is that a great compliment but you've also given me something to watch this weekend. Thank you, Agmoore! I hope that you had a terrific Thanksgiving!

I show my age, by referring to that movie (never read the book). It was a real Cold War flick... but also a reflection of skepticism about politics and U. S. government's official line. It's interesting the movie preceded the Kennedy assassination. When you watch, you'll see what I mean.
You deserved your Curie...it's nice when I can cheer so enthusiastically for a winner.

Ya... I was like "This story is so sweat and heart-warming" until I got to the twist were I was like "Damn!!! Straight-up project butterfly type of shit. Creepy."

One of these days I should write something sweet and leave out the creepy. Okay, I should at least try to. 😉 Thanks, Tristan! Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving! (I saw some great pics with you, Improv and friends - glad that you had fun!)

Put in what works. I'll enjoy that better.

Now, that the 'nut' has five nuts, ... I'm going to find a longer stick.

Thanks-gaming was very fun. I learned about three new games.

Evil is the end of the world. So Susie is Sarah and has been brainwashed? What kind of story is behind these machinations? Although Susie really isn't very lovable, I hope one can' t complete the work on her. Bad gang! ;-)

You've got me fully agreeing with you, Erh.germany! Stealing someone's identity from them is horrible.

Calluna's prompt had me originally focusing on the compass as a key for Mrs. Ellerton to use in her story about herself as a one of the women from WWII breaking radio codes. From there I squirreled through articles online and ended up clicking a link to "brainwashing" during interrogations. I had a rough draft with Mrs. Ellerton being captured by enemy forces after delivering the compass key to Nick then being brainwashed into revealing sensitive information and ultimately working for the other side. The plot was becoming a bit long winded though and I couldn't trim it down to my satisfaction where it would make sense for Mrs. Ellerton to be telling the story. That's where I had the idea of having it be "Sarah/Susie" being the person Mrs. Ellerton was talking about in her story. The facility where "Sarah/Susie" worked was really a testing ground for captured agents following the procedure.

I also didn't like Susie's character from the prompt and felt that the "brainwashing" was a good way to leave some question as to her true personality. Writing a continuation where she is saved from being used against her will would be fun. (Though I make no promises on keeping my stories short.)

Have a great day and thank you so much for your questions!

Thank you, I am glad that my questions provoked more thoughts and also gave me some explanation.

Have a good day too.

P.S. do you participate in this weeks round?

Thank you! I'm going to give it a go when I get home tonight. Then I'll be able to read all of the other entries. I feel like it's cheating if I read them before writing mine. :^)

Here, right at the end comes this beautiful story with a twist as it should!

OMG! That's perfect!!

Grazie, Marco! For you to call it "beautiful" means a lot to me. 🤗 (I really need to work on the whole "at the end" thing. 😢)

I noted that the comments are shorter here. I see it as a good sign. In my opinion, a comment, as much as a story, doesn't have to be long and verbose, or even resonant in order to make a point. It's always about the reader and his/her engagement. Basically here you reminded me of one of the best @gwilberiol's stories. There's an idea, there are a plot and a twist. The storyline is simple but clever, smooth and entertaining. I had fun (also a @curie curator had it seems), that's all it matters :-P

I'm happy for any comment that's sincere - length doesn't really matter to me.

Having my writing compared to Gwilberiol's is a high compliment, thank you! I'm glad that you had fun reading it, as that was what I tend to shoot for! 😉

Lenght per se is just one of other hints about the readers' reaction. I'm never focused on quantity as you know ✌️

I love the twist that you developed here, what a delightful change from the story beginning.
                         
Congratulations for your curie vote :).

Yay for twist lovers! I was worried when writing it that the transition would be awkward and am really happy that you enjoyed it! 😀

Thank you for reading my story and also for feeling that it was worth being curated by the Curie Community. (I read your message on the Bananafish post. I'm glad of it as I love being able to thank someone personally when they've done something great for me.)

I do a dorky little dance anytime I receive one and this time it was due to you. 🤗

Have yourself a terrific day!

It is my pleasure.
We, the Stein fans need to stick together, after all!