My Village People and I First Date !
It's been a long while since I've posted anything on here. I was just thinking about my most embarrassing event this year and decided to share. I still feel like the earth should swallow me whole.
So guys,I went on a date; it was a first-date. He picks me up and as we leave mine, he asks where I'd want to go; I'm not sure if we had already settled on a location or if we just wanted to wing it.
But I know I had suggested Papiee's Meatro because my siblings and I go there; I'm very familiar with their menu; I have my favorite picks; and since the WUSE 2 demolition, I hadn't been to the new site in Jahi. So off to Papiees Jahi we went.
It's Karaoke night, but we don't pay much attention as we converse about politics, elections, work, life, ourselves, and anything at all. In-between this conversation, a waiter approached the table with the menus, but I didn't need one as I already had in mind what I wanted and proceeded to make an order. I wanted the mini platter that contains plantains, yams, potatoes, sauce, gizzards, and pepper meat, all in small quantities. I will see if I can attach an image of what it looks like.
Yea, so the image above is what I will usually order.
I ordered a Chi Exotic to go along with it and went ahead to continue our conversation.
After a while, I see the waiter who attended to us coming in with his hands full, carrying a big tray filled with food: chicken, gizzard, goat meat, peppered meat, fried yam, fried potatoes, fried plantains, different sauces, enough to feed at least 5 people, and the thought hits me that he could be coming to our table with that feast, but I dismiss it with fear already building in my stomach, so I look away and will him in my mind to walk past our table.
Dearly beloved, he walks right up to the table and proceeds to offload the feast, and my fear is immediately confirmed. I made a wrong order, or the waiter didn't understand what I wanted.
Now I'm asking the waiter whose food it is because it can't be mine. How in heaven will I order food that's enough to feed 5 people and still take it away? I'm panicking, and I start to Shalaye immediately to my date because, WTF?
At this point, I'm wishing our good God is tired of the sins of this world so he can just ask that the trumpet be blown. Blow the trumpet, please. No? Oya, open the ground, lemme enter? No? Oya, help me disappear, na..still No? You mean I have to face the consequences of my carelessness? Haba Jehovah, haba!
I'm explaining, "I'm not a hungry girl," I have food in my house, and I actually ate before coming.
He keeps saying it's fine and it's not a problem, but you can't tell me anything because I already know what's running through his mind. Who goes on a first date or any date at all and orders a feast? To make matters worse, I ate before leaving the house, and the built-up fear or panic in my stomach has already tied my intestines in such a knot that there's no way food could have even passed through.
He's trying to converse through the chaos, I'm responding and laughing but God knows, I'm embarrassed to the deepest part of my bone, how do I make that mistake for an order I've made countless times, why didn't I look at the menu to reconfirm?
What I wanted Was 'Papiees Treat' , not the 'Mini platter' and mind you there's nothing mini about this feast of a platter.
Here's the mini platter above, excluding the Rice and spaghetti.
Certainly my date must be imagining how on earth he came across a hungry girl. All these Abuja girls sef; who would have thought this one doesn't have food at home? My mind is in a jumble; this man would never believe this was a sincere mistake; I struggle to smile and keep my composure because small-small tears bin don dey gather for my eyes; I told myself I was going to split bills with him just to try and savage my already ruined reputation. We asked that the food be packed, and I wanted it split in two so he could go with one part, but he refuses to split bills or go with the food.I gave up; I already knew at that point that there wouldn't be a second date. So I try to have fun with the remaining time, laugh, and just let it be. The worst had already happened, I thought, but no, the devil fights harder than John Cena.He drops me off at mine at a little past midnight, and as I wave him goodbye,James Blunt lyrics immediately comes to mind;
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end, before we'd begun......,
The song slowly plays in my head as his car fades in the distance, a part of me knowing that I would get blocked for food gluttony—for someone who starves for a living! the irony and paradox of life!
As I get to my entrance, I remember the packed feast was at his back seat; I forgot to pick it up.
I'm contemplating calling him or just letting him be, but letting him be will mean there will be evidence to show his friends of the lunatic he met and took out, so I called.
He drives back to deliver the package, and there's nothing you can do or say to convince me that I'm not getting blocked half way to his house because first I ordered a feast and then I'm making him drive back to give it to me...
Now the shocker is this,just Incase you don't understand the quantity of this food,it was in the freezer all through the weekend and about 4 people snacked on it through the weekend and we eventually used the remaining Protein to make Rice....Kill me !! eei Christ !
Sha don't come to my dm to ask if I got blocked or not😂😂😂
Village people are a thing, guys!