A LOVE THAT WAS NOT BEEN AND COULD HAVE

 

<->-In my 22 years I had already known the feelings of love and hate, understand the meaning of pleasure, romance and love, felt that love was not for me. At that time he was involved in a relationship, being the mistress of a married man 16 years older than me for who simply felt desire, but nevertheless wanted to have someone else who could devote more time without exclude him from my life.

-With that I agreed to a page on the internet to meet people. So one day I met in chat with a man with whom I started having long conversations. Although he saw the photos I was not attractive, but it was really nice. He was 10 years older than I, lived in the neighboring country had approximately 45 km away.

 
-One day I decided to meet him and I proposed because of him seemed to have no intention of trying. Then I went to the town for lunch together. It was the first time I saw him, but I felt that only reunited with someone who already knew. We talked and laughed a lot, I love knowing that he had the same concept I about love, was not for us, either formal relations. I felt it was perfect an independent man who could have an adventure and go on with my other relationship. 

 
Days passed and we were returning more friends, we saw each other on Sundays for lunch. Once we agreed to meet, but did not happen because we had a little argument over nothing. I assumed that everything just because I was proud and even more, even better told me that we let things as they were. But I was surprised that broke his pride, he returned to me, I said "I am with you." That day we saw at the end of our meeting I could not resist and kissed him for the first time. 

From there we became more united and it was strange for both we did not have sex. It was a long time until it happened, even before that I stop seeing my lover and also let the person out. Actually everything was strange because it was supposed to be having an affair, but were like two lovers teenagers, walking hand in hand together, giving kisses and hugs in public tender sending messages, always aware of each other ..

 
He included me in his life, he cared for me, I cared, I treated her like she was the most beautiful woman in the world, made me feel special and made me to be smiling all the time, all weekends spent at home . There was a lot of trust between us, had told me about his life, his relationships, and I always stressed that as he was with me it was not with anyone, the things he did were not normal in him, so he was surprised at how I could get that. He assured me that was always with several women at the same time, but he just wanted to be with me. All that scared me because I realized that he wanted me, I made him feel, he saw it in his eyes. I remember when he sighed and said "this woman makes me sick" also innocently told me "I love you ... but only a little." 

One morning I stood at the foot of the bed looked into my eyes fixed my hair and said softly, "I love you ... more than a little" kissed me and let me continue sleeping. He planned to take a vacation to see the sea because I knew it was one of my dreams. We were happy, at least I was immensely, but one day I received a message from him where I said it felt weird to me, it felt horrible for having to say it was over, but he was well and that there was another woman . That made a day trip that both waited.
 

I was always aware that a day would end but do not expect so soon, so suddenly without explanation. Besides, why I said it in a message, the important things always told me the opposite. Reluctantly I went to see him, I was at home told me that the problem was he and not I, who had a great time with me that I was very funny, but it had to be. At the end I was confused when he said that I should get me someone else boring and not someone like him. All I said coldly and no longer look me in the face, did not resist and burst into tears. I hugged him one last time, but he no longer embraced me. When we parted last thing he did he was sigh and say "this woman".

 I never saw her again. Time passed and there was no day could not remember and miss him so much made me hurt the soul. To this day I still remember crying with her, many occasions where I wanted one of his embrace, not date anyone again, deeply saddened. 

 Six months later I noticed he checked my photos on the page where we met. Days later wrote to me, "I thought of you," began again to talk but as friends, as before, laughing at our silly conversations, only received comments from him telling me I'm special, unique, perfect, funny, divine that always I laugh, plus say "I saw this and I thought of you," "I was in such a place and I remembered you," "today I remembered you."

I suffered a lot to me as I imagined, only after it was finished I realized how much I wanted but I never told. Before I did not like, I always love you, I think I fell in love with the wrong person, I was weak.

It warms my heart that I've rewritten, that is affectionate, but do not understand why it does. I do not want to fool with things that are not. In my heart I feel loved me, but that life was not for him, being a man of one wife was not his. Maybe he preferred me before or just fool that's what I believe.

 I would see him again, but I do not know if I'll have the courage to be in front of the person I love and just make friends. Although he has left me, I did not let go, I always carry with me, not very close but very inside.