Diabetic Shock Candy Reviews: The Zero Bar - Milky Way's Poorly Named Distant Cousin With Albinism

That's not a space ship. That's a Zero Bar.

The first thing I thought when I saw a Zero Bar was "Is this from the future?"

The second thing was "Zero?"

As it turns out Zero bars are not from the future, but actually from the past, nearly 90 years in the past to be specific. They were first made in 1920 by the Hollywood Brands candy company, an act of invention equal in creativity to the creation of the personal computer. This may sound dubious at first, but that's only if you've never seen a Zero Bar.

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So exotic, like an Albino Milky Way.

See? Sure, it seems like every damn candy bar is making white versions now. But it was the Zero that started it.

The taste, as far as American candy bars go, is also pretty unique, if not a little hard to wrap the pallet around. The Zero bar is made up of an almond and peanut nougat, matched with a strip of caramel and covered in a "white fudge." Not a white chocolate fudge, but just "white," as in the color. And to be honest, that is the most accurate description of anything I've ever heard.

The outer coating tastes exactly like white - the color white. Plus, it really is fudge, with a creamy, almost chalky consistency that actually melts in your mouth. It also leaves a powdery white residue everywhere when you bite into it, so keep a napkin handy.

The nougat is a subtle experience. It has a sweetness that's almost akin to honey, with the almond as the dominant flavor and the peanuts present only slightly in the background. There are periodic chunks of nut that I couldn't immediately identify, but which added a nice crunch to the otherwise chewy texture. The caramel, if you focus on it, does add something to the experience, but can get lost behind the strong flavor profile of the nougat and the distinctly "white" taste of the fudge.

The result of all of these flavors is a bar that, unless eaten thoughtfully, can easily degenerate into a one-note treat. That is to say, that if you eat the candy bar, like some people are wont to do, in heaping bites, then it could easily taste like eating a cloud. If people could eat clouds.

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Ripe Zero Bars before the harvest.

Funnily enough, the taste of the Zero Bar reminded me immediately of both Marzipan and another European treat, Torrone (Spelled like the guinea I am!). Marzipan is a sweetened almond paste made into shapes, usually fruit. Torrone is a traditional Italian nougat chock full with hazelnuts, pistachios and almonds.

I thought perhaps that this was a coincidence, but then I discovered who invented the Zero Bar: Frank Martoccio of the Martoccio family, who immigrated to the U.S. from Italy. That explains the flavor, as well as the almost 'old-world' hard, chewy texture, both of which have a very European feel to them. By European I mean complex and interesting and therefore less good.

I'm kidding, not less good, but definitely different from the conventional American candy bar. For example, I think the Fast Break is incredible, but compared to the Zero Bar it looks heavy handed. Fast Breaks are to Zero Bars what Rocky Balboa is to the Queen of England, a brute.

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"American candy bars? Tut tut, old chap." - Zero Bar.

Oh, and why are they called Zero Bars? Supposedly it was a reference to Zero degrees. The whole bar was, apparently, intended to be a cool treat. How that is relevant to the actual candy is completely beyond me.

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This is reblogged content from my 2009 post on my original candy blog, Diabetic Shock.