Wash Your Ass!

in #freewrite6 years ago

If you're not from America or a few other countries with similar habits, you might not know that people from the US wipe their ass after shitting with wadded up bundles of toilet paper. This paper is then flushed into a big cement box in your front yard, allowing the water to drain out from it, or sent to the sewer, where it's likely just dumped in the ocean or a river, or if you're lucky, maybe processed and then put on farmers fields.

All in all a disgusting process, not the least...or greatest, is the actual shit itself.

Who the fuck came up with the idea of just wiping your shit away with some dry paper? That's just fucking disgusting, in multiple ways. It basically means that your ass is never really clean. Plus you have to stick your hand back there while your ass is covered in shit. There's a good chance you just might get shit on your hand. That's gross. Even worse when you consider that many people don't wash their hands. And were you using your phone during? Fuck that shit. No pun intended.

There's a pretty easy solution to this. Just do what other countries do. WASH YOUR ASS!

339pxHand_Bidet_Shower.jpg
Hand Held Bidet Sprayer, Thailand by DavidB4 1 Desemba 2017 (source)
Used under CC BY-SA 4.0 license

Tons of different countries use bidets. Basically it's just something to spray some water on your ass to wash it a bit. Then you just wipe, just like you're used to, maybe picking some better toilet paper or flushable wipes.

Except American media actually thinks this is something funny that they should giggle and laugh at. Pretty much every time a bidet is mentioned on TV they make some comment about how it sprays up your ass, maybe even turning it into a rape joke.

WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with you?

How fucking old are you?

Grow the fuck up!

Yes, you spray your ass with water. Yes, it can feel good. I'm sure some people have used a spray on their ass to masturbate to. They certainly use it sprayers in the shower to masturbate. Get the fuck over it. It's not really even insanely pleasurable. Well, not for me anyway. It just feels a bit refreshing and...good.

You wash your private parts, right? How is spraying your ass any different? You just do it over the toilet so the shit falls in there.

I can't begin to explain to you how much cleaner you feel if you just stop doing what all these stupid Americans do, and just wash your ass.

You will feel unbelievably cleaner and more refreshed.

You can pick up a small portable bidet for under $20, and then you have something to travel with, and you will soon realize that you totally want to install one in your bathroom.

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Personally, I always wipe my butt with wet toilet paper at the end to make sure it is clean.

Having said that, I did go to the Philippines recently where these are common and generally I think they are a great idea. In the case of ones in the hotel I was always a little paranoid there might have been some fecal backsplatter on them...

Well, I guess you could always carry around some alcohol wipes.

As an American I can identify with this. It's hilarious how petty propaganda can really go: right down to using the bathroom.

Don't even think about buying a Bidet, you stupid French pussy!

Instead, buy this wasteful disposable paper product on par with using a piece of tanbark.

Good plan.

There are so many commercials and brands to choose from when figuring out how to clean up literal shit with dried out wood particles.

In general, sustainable solutions are constantly laughed off the stage in America.

I think we probably went a bit backwards when we got indoor plumbing. It's nice to be able to wash your hands...but I'm starting to think a toilet isn't actually any better than an outhouse. After all, an outhouse is kinda just a basic composting toilet. Just put some saw dust on top when it stinks and put in a fan. At least you don't have issues with them dumping all your poop in your drinking water, or it causing an algae bloom.

But, as with almost everything in the world today, the main problem is implementation. Toilets wouldn't be a problem if they just filtered the water, perhaps even using the waste for power generation or fertilizing plants or algae that AREN'T for human consumption, to produce oxygen. They could even use it to make biofuel. Same with toilet paper, it wouldn't be as bad of an issue environmentally if they made it from recycled material. Then it would just biodegrade with everything else, if they, you know, composted the whole waste properly. Still kinda gross though.

As to it being propaganda...I dunno that the pentagon edits scripts to insert horrible comments about bidets into scripts...but they do about everything else, so maybe. Sounds like a really shitty job though. Pun intended.

It was liberal use of the word propaganda. More just a social construct that promotes hating Europe.

it's a conspiracy so everyone walks around with their ass full of shit all the time.

The invention of the toilet paper can be found on the book "Gargantua".

In Venezuela when you want to tell someone to fuck off you say "anda a lavarte ese culo" or go wash your ass.

Now, on a health note, washing your ass (and your colon) can actually increase your lifespan and overall well being. There's shit there that has been stuck to your colon's wall for as long as you've been alive. This is home to nasty parasites and ends up turning most of the cases in cancer.

The first thing I look for when moving to a new house is that it has at least one bidet.

Now go and wash your ass!

Yes now go and wash your ass

Posted using Partiko Android

I think its weird when we act like a normal non circumsized penis is somehow funny, its like cultural brainwashing.

I try take a shower after shitting its the only way I feel clean.

OMG! You didn't have someone chop off the end of your penis as a child! You're so weird! /sarcasm

Totally agree!

Posted using Partiko Android

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