Self-Discovery

Sheltered by the walls of my own room for over a year now. Lockdown is something unexpected, but i am embracing it in some ways more than others. My turquoise curtains have not been opened in months, and it is not because the sun rays pierce it make it seem like I am living in an aquarium.

But I am living in my own aquarium if I come to think of it. I have never felt this safe - without any pressure for socialising. There's a comfort that is both due to being an introvert, perhaps, as well as neurodivergent. The world out there is not designed for me, and time off from it is a blessing. Now it's just me and my thoughts. I mean, thoughts are not always the most pleasant of things, but I do like where my thoughts have been lately. It's an unusual serene feeling, but I guess, not needing to communicate with others face-to-face has eliminated a lot of the unhappy feelings that have come from those experiences.

So here I am, delving in again at my own thoughts, feeling safe in my bubble-wrapped body. Feeling indestructible - as if I am not my biggest saboteur. I'm saying that not because I'm binging Drag Race, but because it is true if you take a look at my past. I've ended way too many relationships when I shouldn't have. Or perhaps I have forgotten why I have left. It's true, the pain goes away in time and that might make me disconnected. Yet, I am no longer yearning to be in a relationship, to be loved. I've got myself and my thoughts in my humble room.

All I need is time, blank pages and video games. This is my world now, and welcome to those who dare peak from a virtual lens.

Freewrite Prompt: Safe
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