Forget before you wake up

Initial years of a marriage is tough and arranged ones makes it tougher. I remember when we were newly wedded we would often get into arguments because we were two different souls from two different families with different upbringings. The arguments were quite normal and would subside in few hours or days provided if we were left to solve it ourselves.

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Sadly, we had my mother in law stay with us and it was obvious that she would sympathies with her son than an outsider (me) over anythhing which would result in them cornering me and my mother in law would blow up my husband's ego making him believe how wrong I am in not agreeing with him. I would be left helpless and furious and would call in my parents to find support and strength. Would that help ? Not really.

Chipping in my parents would make the matter worse for my mother in law would blow her lungs out shouting that my parents are outsiders and they have no work in the family matters. True, but not completely. Sadly, she couldn't understand that even she was an outsider between us.

I and my husband figured out that if we have to live together, we should solve the issue and not let anyone involve between us. Things changed when we would disagree and agree being closed doors.

It has been over a decade for our marriage, we still have disagreements, but we don't let anyone involve. My mother in law still spends half a year with us and still tries to pitch in if she gets a hint of our fights, but we keep her at bay. We make sure that we don't drag the fight to the next morning.

I guess this problem persists only in India and other Asian countries where parents live with their children after marriage and it is obvious that they cannot see their child in distress even if that means cornering the other person.