This Just In: Saying "Nice Post" Kills Kittens and Causes Global Warming

in #funny7 years ago (edited)

@NoNamesLeftToUse The Writer/Artist/Reporter Himself here
and
I'm reporting live on location!

news.jpeg

In the News

 
Today I'm coming at you live from the corner of Steemit Avenue and Myblog Street.

In the past, this was a quiet neighborhood. Peaceful, friendly, serene.

People used to come and go on their ways to and from their blog without a care in the world. Kids used to play outside without having to worry about creepy 80's vans lurking about. Kittens had homes to go to and plenty of delicious kibble to snack on.

Things sure changed after the gangs moved in.

Now, there's a broken down shopping cart on the sidewalk to my left, actual cigarette butts on the ground instead of in the proper holding facility, bars on every window to give all inhabitants the impression they have been imprisoned, and strange looking free range crackheads who scream, "Nice post," at everyone they see, for no apparent reason.

Who's Going to Clean Up This Mess?

The government?
Listen. I'm just a fucking reporter. I don't see why I should have to come up with solutions. If I had to solve the world's problems, I wouldn't have time to dig deeper or press harder on the hard pressed issues. I'm here to iron this out, not ruffle the feathers.

Major Discovery

When one looks up to the sky in this neighborhood, their view is obscured.

What could possibly be in the way, you ask?

Posts, of course. Unnatural trees of sorts, sprouting straight from hell and extending all the way up to the heavens. Each one is attached to the next by some ungodly cable. The entire apparatus hums with the sound of electricity somehow passing through like sweet, freshly injected heroin coursing through the veins of one of these local maniacs.

What kind of sorcery is this, you ask?

They call it a blockchain. It's what powers the entire neighborhood. The lifeblood of any good blogosphere now and well off into the future.

Where does the power come from? God?

God? Are you on glue? It comes from The Power Grid, but do not be alarmed.

It's true, The Power Grid has been given a bad rap lately for sitting around, sucking on cheeseburgers all day, getting fat, then passing out on your couch while you're trying to watch the latest episode of whatever the fuck Steve Harvey is up to these days.

This doesn't mean we can't put them on a diet and find them a real job.

What could possibly be draining the source of this magic juice from above, you ask?

Well, the answer to that is quite simple.

Each time one of the walking dead says, "Nice post," that creates static on the blockchain. It interferes with the normal, everyday, back and forth banter bouncing around from post to post. The system wasn't designed to handle shit that doesn't make sense, but still must find a way to accommodate it by sending sparks here, there, and everywhere.

To Put Things Simply

Saying, "Nice post," is a waste of limited resources. If we burn up the last remaining spark just to state the obvious and tell someone what they already know, kittens will lose their habitat and eventually die. That's not fair.

If you want to end up living in a neighborhood with no trees, broken shopping carts and screaming free range crackheads all while surviving only on spam and macaroni casserole, you will continue to sit on your hands and do nothing while your world comes crashing down around you.

This reporter suggests you do the right thing and chase the menace away from your doorstep with a broom. We don't want to hurt them, we just want to teach them a lesson.

Always Remember

Kittens deserve your love. Save a tree. Don't eat spam.

To help facilitate the calming process, you may now look at this:

Nice Kitty Kitty.jpeg

Thank You.

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Credits:
All images seen here were produced digitally, by me.
"Meow!"
WhonamezuhStudio@gmail.com

© 2017 Two Insanity Productions. All rights reserved.
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How do you come up with these gems?
BTW -

I can't explain where it comes from. It's just there, so I put it here.

Thanks for the post. If you look closely, you'll notice there aren't any cats around to scratch at it. This is because they're going extinct.

OMG haaa hahaha ha.. so funny! Kittens... extinct...

Moo hah ha haaa... Nice... Po...int! Does it count if I ate SPAM off of a kittens back during an arboristic baptism..? Just kidding. :)

On a serious note, it really is a good point.

good post thanks for sharing

This comment has received a 0.14 % upvote from @booster thanks to: @hamzaoui.

A good post. It's an informative, entertaining post. I won't use the 'N' word here-- I happen to like live kittens, or I can at least tolerate a kitten or two.

Excellent response!

Thank you for being there for the kitties and refraining from using that nasty, disgusting, filthy, abomination of a word!

LOL that was entertaining! I have vivid images in my head now :)
Thanks for the smile, @nonameslefttouse!

As Bob Barker would say:

"Help control the kitty population. Say no to spam!"

... something like that, I think.

Hello nonameslefttouse.
I write a Steemit service project. You can participate in a beta test if you reply to this message with a either "@username" or "?username". Replace "username" with any one steemer username and add nothing else to the reply. And @ and ? do something different. Only ever second username will work at the moment, though, you you may try two names.
Thanks!
PS if you like it, give me feedback on what to improve.

Feedback? Improvements?

Flagged for cat murder!

Just a small one. Please don't spam my blog. Thank you!

Okay nonameslefttouse,
"eedback? improvements?

flagged for cat murder!

just a small one. please don't spam my blog. thank you!" is not really a steemer username.
(Or I do not have it and you should try another name.)

You're obviously on something.

kk, I see. Don't reply if you don't want blockchain information - the response is automated (and will also come to this post).
Take care!

Don't spam if you don't want flags!
Have a good day!

We have two kittens, just love to watch them do their thing.
Never mind the static and the noise.

Have a good weekend.

Every time I'm feeling low, I just look at my pussy...
And say hello.

That is some nice poetry, thanks, a pussy can do that...

Later man!

Have a good one!

When I think there's nothing better you could add to this post. Thanks for this, made my day.

Nice pots

That's f*cking funny!

Damn. Those are nice pots. Walmart?

Nice post

kittyhate.jpg

Haha just kidding :) I Agree with you, this spam needs to stop

This cracked me up as most successful internet companies actually try to encourage engagement.

In the name of lost dogs, please SAVE the Kittens.

Just trying to save the world...

One cat at a time!

((This made me laugh much more than it should have, help;;;;

Sometimes though I get people saying "Nice art"

And I'm like... Not sure if spam... or actual compliment... flails
I get similar comments on other websites, but it's usually worded a bit less? I'm not sure, usually people who leave short comments say something like "Cute!" or "Nice! ^-^)"

So it's similar, but...? idk aljfl;ajfl;jsljflsj

Sometimes using less words makes it more meaningful. I take it as a compliment, then I look at their other comments... they say it everyone, and I then feel like I've been raped and left in a ditch to die. That's probably a bit too dramatic. Oh well.

Thanks for laughing!

The was the whole point of this anyway.

XD
I guess yeah, that's a good way to know if they're sincere :3

Your posts are always pretty funny, though sometimes I miss them (like, I'm not online when you post them lol)
But I really love your funny posts when they're like... extra snarky. It's hilarious XD

I'm happy to hear this. Be careful though. Words like that will only encourage me!