Last Bet—July 24th

Day 5

I will not gamble today.

I went down to 'city x' with my GF. I did not gamble.

I did get pretty tipsy, though. In fact, I have drank a lot this week. I have taken notice of this and will stop until I go visit 'x'.

I am still struggling with whether or not to tell people. It is amazing to acknowledge it to myself. I wonder if my dad is hiding anything. He and I have similar addict mannerisms. I guess this is the part of me that wants to blame the urges on someone else. How does that HELP? lol.

When I am 'x age' I will celebrate 10 years clean. That is the vow to myself. I realized that I have previously vowed outwards. I am sorry. I see you now. The part of me that hurts so much. I see that I am cruel to you. That I leave you stranded. You feel I though you have something to prove. You don't have anything to prove. I may tell lies, but that is because I need time and space to work through my addiction. One day I will tell 'x'. I love her so much. If I can fix it alone---ohhh no...That doesn't seem like a productive thought. It is helpful to see these thoughts more clearly now.

Today is a good day.