Episode II: Attack of the Microtransactions
December 1 2017 C.E.
As the holidays draw closer, our consumerist encampment is pinned down on all sides by overpriced clones.
This year, Black Friday will go down as one of our most brutal battles against the encroaching corporate empire.
The first wave from this year's Electronic Arts assault was led by General DICE through their elite Battlefront unit - a clone of a clone who once fought for consumerist progress in ages long past.
They easily slaughtered our consumers with microtransations and pay-to-win systems we never saw coming.
We never stood a chance.
Our only saving grace was a group among us who call themselves 'whales'.
Alas, even their wallets weren't big enough to stop the corporate greed we were up against.
Adding insult to injury, they taunted us with claims that we could indeed complete their game without shelling out $3,000... if we played the game for 4,500 hours.
When all hope seemed lost, a miracle was sent down from our Holy Father - The Walt Disney Company.
His son Mickey Mouse, who saved us from EA's seemingly infinite greed, left us with the power to fight DICE.
Our enemies retreated, temporarily removing microtransactions from the battlefield before eventually removing them entirely.
I've attached some field photography of this graphic scene - if you're reading this, you'll want to brace yourself.
Gruesome, isn't it?
But it doesn't stop there.
Before we had time to recover from the first battle, we were met with reinforcements from another army who we assume has struck a deal with Electronic Arts.
They are known in these lands as Activision.
This time, we were faced by General Bungie and his infamous Destiny unit.
Their microtransactions fought viciously and with new tactics that we had never before seen - specifically, they had acquired camoflouge XP armor which rendered their microtransactions invisible - but we fiercely fought back, killing them even more quickly than our last opponent.
Today, I am weary.
Today, I am proud.
Today, I cower.
For tomorrow, I fear that the attack of the microtransactions has just begun.
Keep up
aTone