a comment letting me know this without flagging me me would have been acceptable to bring this to my attention!

Most people ignore that type of messages. This is a fact when you work with @steemflagrewards and/or @steemcleaners long enough. Flags get people's attention, fast.

I noticed that on 5 of the comments that you flagged me with @steemflagrewards that 3 were upvoted! so are you not doing the same thing?

It's incentives to get people to flag, a.k.a. negative curation. A simple trip to @pibarabot will show that very few people flag on this platform.

That's because flags are expensive. Every bit you downvote is a bit you can't have for yourself in forms of self-vote/curation rewards.

A "return" on flags can generally be countered.

lets come to an agreement so i dont get flagged everytime i do a contest that helps out the community!

I'm pretty sure now you know. Carry on and help the little guys.