The Guinea-Pig Journal. No.2.
Get Mummy A Pet!
Is your mother lonely? Is she suffering from Empty Nest Syndrome? Does she need a friend? Has she too much good loving left to give? Is a man too big but a guinea-pig too small?
Consider a capybara for a gift!
Melanie Typaldos and Caplin Rous, with "rous" meaning "rodent of unusual size.
[The Rodent Image Restoration Society is campaigning to sue the author (above) of "Celeste and the Giant Hamster" for discrimination against the Capybara Community, and insulting a species in their own right, as protected by the Rodent Discrimination Act 1972. Capybaras themselves however had rather the RIRS put their resources towards discouraging pet owners from keeping capybaras alongside snakes]
Old People: You, Too, Can Make Friends!
Jason and his wife Ginny are both into exercise.
Jason explains his enthusiasm: "Strong pigs attract hot chicks!"
Jason and Ginny at the Gym. Professionalise your Budokan Yoga like Ginny.
Jason is a personal trainer and Ginny does Budokan Yoga for World Peace.
Their top tip today is:
Keep Fit to Make More Friends and Find True Love.
Also: for those over 70 specifically: find fitness fanatic Jason featured here and be inspired to develop your own work-out routine.
* Shocking New Statics Reveal: *
Lonely guinea pigs at risk of becoming gaming addicts!
Delicious, nutricious and a delightful padded ambience that promotes romantic squeaking! ‡: strictly vegan! Free for the lady-piggies. Gents subscribe now for only 8 SBD monthly. No dates-money back guarantee!* Unlimited access to pictures on site. Enjoyable even when not dating!
NOTIFICATION regards source photo. The RIRS is busy correcting all incorrect image results for the search "guinea-pigs". In response to our reporter's question, "How serious can a misfortunate indexing get?", an RIRS spokes-person responded with much indignation: "How would you like to be called a man-bat or a man-spider
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Dating to Eat Works Best
Making friends is hard, finding a partner even harder. Most guinea-pigs settle for family constructs and hook up with their neighbours without any extensive dating activities. In fact 97% of 104 polled say they would rather stay in to munch their own hay by themselves than go out on a date. "You just never know what hay you might get served," one guinea-pig living on the Huellaga tributary of the Amazon deplores dating.
Two guinea-pigs (married in August) said they tried home-dating for two weeks on alternate days in eachother's homes. "It was very confusing," one of them confessed. It was easier to get married. One couple married upon meeting, "to cut out the dating drama," the husband stated.
Is there no future for dating in guinea-pig society?
How do dating agencies survive with so little enthusiasm, one may well ask? Are there any success stories out there?
The numbers never lie, so let's take a look at them.
The Guinea-Pig Journal's survey says 7 out of 10 Guinea-Pig Journal readers don't believe in dating as much as they love eating. 2 in 10 would love to love dating as much as eating but don't find it a realistic aim; however, there is hope: 1 in 10 date to eat! The Guinea-Pig Journal got hold of this avid dater and asked him a few questions.
This guinea-pig happens to be the director of the current one and only (on-line) dating agency for guinea-pigs in the Americas, "Squeaking Couples". He explains, their formula is based on dinner, lunch, breakfast and snack dates. "It works when there is food," he knows, without being able to specify which foods work best romantically. "We leave it up to individual tastes, but recommend carrots as an entry level meal to share. The crunching doesn't leave many uncomfortable silences."
More good guinea-pig romance news: the dating agency's membership has increased in the past 899 days from 17 to 35. One dating experience has even lead to an engagement after a summer of rolling in the hay at the foot of Machu Picchu.
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Went to the Jim! I'll have to start using that one. I've gotten out of habit, though aiming to go again tomorrow as I'd really like to not be stiff in walking or sitting either. I think I'm already too stiff for that Florida yoga group...
I liked the Llama bride best :)
We are happy to report the lama couple were a perfect match (and still are loving getting married: renewing vows monthly). The meerkats, however, have been sighted to pop up with other halves....
Oh, dear :)
I've considered a pet many times, but there were 2 drawbacks: The person receiving it and the one taking care of both.
How about a boa constrictor? Needs very little care. Only gets VERY hungry once in a weekend.
We recommend open terrariums in view of the Animal Right to Open Sky and Clean Air Act 1971. (Ahhh... I think we have another excuse there, for you not to take a pet.)
Ever thought of a Homie?
Not too many Boas where I've been, but I've encountered a nice Anaconda or 2. Maybe I can get a Boa out of the Everglades for free; I heard they were an invasive species to be gotten rid of by the State declaring open season.
I still have to consider the benefits of the Homie, it sounds like the name of a gang member to me, ..or was that Homes? Why did they zoom in on the sad one?
It's a sad sad sad situation when you are running low on battery power (reason for sad face according to designer).
That is a sad situation indeed, especially when your companion forgets to plug you in.
I found Homie to be an interesting item. On one hand it's sad to think that we will all be attended to by machines in old age, on the other it looks like an artificial Dog can provide service where a human can't or won't. Edit: If programmed to automatically seek a recharge when battery power is low, it also fulfills the zero/low care requirement that many will cite as the reason for not having a real Dog.
I suppose it is sadder to think of neglected dogs and so the Homie is a safer bet.
I guess the point is that the Homie equally inspires the old person to feel young at heart as might otherwise a pet dog. One might have to worry that they will be so full of energy that they will be asking for a real dog next! And throwing parties for all their rediscovered loved-ones and friendly neighbours and kindly carers.
Another consideration why the Homie is ideal could be that a happier old fogie makes for an easier object to care for. Try putting a toddler to bed with the Cuddly lost in some gutter somewhere....
One might be persuaded to worry a little about the Homie though, at a certain stage, in specific instances, (when in the care of a temperamental, mentally volatile person).... I mean it's not like they don't have feelings...
Look at these ones and weep:
lost – toy bunny
"Forgotten Love".
How can Love be forgotten?
Indeed, perhaps it can only be lost.
Dear Double Agent,
A veritable question of much value, my friend!
I recommend you check out my new post which raises an adverting finger to the problem with heuristical suppositions as made by our fellow commenter OV (see here). May you keep your question warm and well catered for to impregnate her with true wisdom.
Questions are the beginning to the end of any problem.
Thank you for your profound meataphysical inquiry.
Just look around and know it is so. We seldom lose our keys really; they usually turn out to have been placed somewhere we forgot about.
Negligence is forgetfulness and out of this most of us are born. We forgot to love and procreation just happened.
Many resources develop this line of exploration. If you lived in my area I would invite you to take a look in my library so that you might deepen your own thoughts on this spiritual reality with the help of another couple of thousand thinkers deeply concerned about our collective amnesis.