Dear Diary: I Have Some Telltale Signs Of Death Now

I must say that is beautiful and we just have to look at the things that are beautiful and also work on things that are ugly to make them beautiful or look at things that are ugly and ponder on how beautiful sometimes they are because of their function for society and humanity and not because of their looks.

Sometimes ugly things like a butt hole is more important than beautiful parts of the body because without a butt hole we will not live or maybe live with a great misery if we would just use a plastic bag in our flank to poop. It is not really a good thing to live with such a disability.

Disabilities makes a person special sometimes but it doesn't mean they are normal. They can never be normal because people treats them rather differently sometimes in a bad way like in my case when I start to change with my appearance. Some of my relatives just doesn't want anything to do with me maybe for the fear of me wanting to have their support which in the back of my mind is what they are thinking of.

Little that my relative know that I don't need their support because I have steemit and cryptocurrencies on my side. I am in the level playing field now when it comes to earning and it is a thing that i am thankful and grateful for because it truly eases my mind from the stresses of financial needs when it comes to my medical needs.

Appearance is important, presentation has an impact to people because people are very visual and judges you because of your appearance. I know because I have an appearance problem and it took away a lot from my life, my friends, and other people, the way I interact, my social life had been devastated.

But my main concern was my basic functions, I can't even walk normally now, stiffness and pain. Now dizziness because of a severe high blood pressure. My left arm is aching and my heart literally is with pain now.

My dialysis yesterday when I was hooked up was scary. As I was snoozing off I felt that I was going into seizure so I tried to remain calm, I was having a 180/90 BP. So I asked the nurse to put my blood pump into 300mL per minute from only 250mL per minute. After sometime my BP went down to 150/90 then to 90/80 but I am not feeling or complaining about it so they cut some fluid that had to be taken out from me and pushed sodium again in my system.

That made my BP 140/90 so I am really furious about it as I can never get a normal BP now. I can't take high blood pressure medications because they make my BP crash during dialysis but now I might take some because my heart is acting weird today.

I might get a heart failure soon, no one knows, I am really very overdue and I believe that there is only a divine intervention about my existence because of past events and what is happening now for my life which includes steemit.
Still I will press on and strive into working to see another light of tomorrow brings for me.