My Near Death Experience
December 30.
Nadia wasn’t feeling well that day. We had just returned the day before from spending Christmas with my brother in Bozeman, Montana. Somewhere around 9 pm I grabbed my book and sat on the edge of her bed to lay down and read next to her as she watched a movie. As I laid back I noticed that the room seemed to be shifting, the space seemed to be moving and disintegrating, as if waking from a dream. My eyes just didn’t seem to be working right, I felt light headed and as if I wasn’t in my body. Confused I sat up and said aloud, “something’s going with me, something is going on with me.” Without turning to look at her I got up and started to walk toward the room down the hall where I knew my lover was painting. As I got up the room started to shift even more. My body felt light, I no longer felt separate from the space I was in, as I put my hand out to steady me it seemed to dissolve into the air. I wondered if I was having a stroke.
As he turned to look at me I said “something strange is going on with me. Maybe you should call 911”. His smile turned to concern. He immediately started to feel into me (he’s an energy healer). I said I don’t know how to explain it but somethings going on with me. My outer skin felt cold, but I wasn’t cold. It tingled and I felt out of body. We sat down on the edge of the bed and I griped his hand tightly, feeling like it was anchoring me here in this realm. I wasn’t understanding what was going on and the environment was still shifting. Again, maybe you should call 911, he kept looking at me intensely but extremely calm and he said “I’ll call them if you want me to.”
I knew that he didn’t feel like I needed it. He kept watching and feeling, sensing the energy around me and in me. I told him I felt like I was leaving, I said “I feel like I’m leaving, I feel like I’m leaving”. Memories of my Mom’s passing came to mind. The stories of her telling my cousin that she wasn’t seeing straight came to the front of my mind and I was feeling like this was exactly that. “I feel like I’m leaving…”I started to fold forward as if in a fetal position and then I either heard my daughter or I just thought of her “I don’t want to go” I said. I didn’t want her to grow up without a mother.
“I’m not going” I started to say “I don’t want to go, I don’t want to go” I held his hand tighter and changed my statement to an affirmation, “I’m staying here, I’m staying here, I’m staying….” over and over again I repeated this and my body sat up straight. I was using my will to stop what was happening.
Thinking that I may be exiting this lifetime I stared into his eyes, gripping his hand and overwhelming gratitude flooded me and I looked at him and said “I love you and our time together. I’m so grateful for you, for the girls, for my daughter, my family, and even my ex-husband”;-). As I continued to stare into his eyes I felt my heart beating rapidly, “the heart is beating fast” I said, he reached out and put his had over my heart then got up and stood to the side of me placing his hand over my heart center and one above my crown chakra. I kept saying “I’m staying, I’m stay_ing….” I must have repeated this affirmation a thousand times.
Wondering what he was doing, I looked up at him and he whispered quietly “shhh, you’re getting an upgrade”. I wasn’t entirely sure what he meant so I just closed my eyes and kept repeating the affirmation “I’m staying, I’m staying, I’m staying…” at the same time mustering up the vibrational frequency in my body as if this statement was true. The eyes were clearing my head didn’t seem as foggy, but then I started to feel like I had to vomit.
This is when I got scared.
Now everything up to this point sounded like my mother’s death. After she vomited my cousin said she wasn’t responding to commands anymore. The ambulance was called, they took her and she never came out of it. She died 2 weeks later.
“I’m scared. This feels like what happened to my Mom”, as he helped me through the hall to the bathroom, again I said “maybe you should call 911”. Again he said “If you want me to I will”, I trusted that he knew I didn’t need it. But before I went into the bathroom I went into the daughters room. I did know if I was going to be functional after vomiting. I told her I loved her but that I was staying. (I think this freaked her out). My lover helped me to the toilet, I bent down and made a note not to resist the pressure from the act of vomiting. This is what they think caused the vein in my Mom’s head to bleed more. I just let it go. I didn’t resist and I was able to sit back up. My daughter came in the bathroom, we sat on the floor and I held her while she cried. She was scared and confused. All she knew was that I left her room and then returned telling her I loved her and then left to vomit as she watched my partner help me walk through our home. She had also heard me say something about 911 in the hallway when walking to her room. “I kept saying. I’m not going anywhere, I’m staying here with you, don’t worry, I’m staying here with you.” Just as much to myself as to her.
I asked them if we could move to the living room and as my lover walked me through the halls, I still felt out of body, then suddenly I felt a rush of liquid electric energy flood my entire system and immediately every cell in my body ignited. It was the most amazing sensation I’d ever felt in my life. Without thinking about it I started jumping up and down and swinging my arms in all directions, up and back, back and forward, across my body “the body feels amazing, oh my God, the body feels amazing” I said with so much joy. I could literally swing them around myself. There was absolutely no resistance in my body, all the tension I had accumulated over the years gone in an instant. My shoulder injury for 2 years was completely healed in that moment. I was filled with joy and gratitude. “Thank you God, Thank you God, Thank you God." I felt like I had just be gifted with a new life energy, I felt like a brand new baby, supple and malleable. With gratitude and joy I jumped up and down, swinging my arms every which way without tension. I felt like a Raggedly Ann doll. Instantaneously I had be relieved of all tension, tightness in my body. Then without a thought I started to inhale and exhale very deeply through my mouth. I could take in enormous amounts of air, as if my lungs were hollow. I felt the energy I breathed in fill every cell all the way down to my toes. It was magical. I felt light and more alive than I had, perhaps ever. As I continued to celebrate my partner was calming lighting candles and dimming the lights. He wasn’t phased at all. He’s seen these miraculous healings so many times in his time as an energy healer.
It was a spontaneous healing. I was elated and so grateful.
“Watch this Nadia. Remember this, this is amazing…” It was too strange for her 13 year old mind to accept, she looked at me with bewilderment and confusion and said she wanted to go to bed (she never goes to bed that early). As I continued to celebrate my new body she got up and went to her room turned out the light went to sleep. Eventually I went to her, gave her a kiss and laid down with her until I felt her fall into sleep.
As I returned to the living area, my partner was sitting in front of the fire. He joined me and we laid on the couch watching the fire.
I couldn’t sleep that night. My brain was vibrating at a high frequency. I wasn’t able sleep till the early afternoon the next day. For the next week I continued to use that same long deep breathing to breathe in air, which contains our vital energy, and ate very little food but my energy was high. My shoulder remained healed. I was excited for what was to come next.
As I recounted the story I realized that my language showed that I wasn’t identifying with the body, due to the knowledge I had acquired from my consciousness studies I knew I wasn’t the body, I knew I am the one in control of the body, my body is my vehicle to experience this realm. If I would have identified with it I likely would have passed out when I felt myself leaving the body. I might have let the body fold and just continued to fold my mind up with it. But I made a decision to stay and the body responded. When I noticed the heart beating fast, I said “the heart is beating fast” as if it was separate than me, which it is. I am the one that knows the heart and the body, they don’t know me. I am the sentient being that knows them.
I’ll talk more about the meaning of all this in my next blogs.