The Immutable Pain and Suffering of Depression

While he makes the world laugh he was suffering in silence. He gave us Mrs. Doubtfire, Peter Pan, Dead Poet's Society, Peach Adams to name a few. The world has seen many good men, Robin Williams is one of them. But he left us too soon. He lost in his fight against depression.

FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH THE WORD DEPRESSION

I was in early secondary school. Still bright eyed and had a lot of ideas about life. Life is made for the tough, it is meant to be conquered and it is definitely not for the weak. At least that was what I believed. My best friend at that time told me that his dad had to take time off from work and I asked him why, that was the first time I heard of the word depression. Intrigued, but at the same time, I wondered what could be so decapitating. I always thought that a man on medical leave has to be physically sick. He has to be either coughing his lungs out or having a cold so bad that his eyes are soaked.

In my mind, depression is not an illness, what more something to take time off from work. A good comedy ought to cheer him up, I told my friend. Maybe, time heals if he is suffering from the loss of a loved one. Little did I know, I was utterly ignorant.

THE SLIPPERY SLOPE

My second encounter with depression was very much later in life. My friend lost everything to gambling and was heavily in debt. That was when he revealed to me that he could no longer cope with the pressure from family members and his creditors. Again, I was the least sympathetic, anyone with 2 arms and an able body can pick themselves up. He slipped further and further away from society. He became a recluse.

It makes me wonder how a successful man who had overcome some hurdles in life and made it big before succumbing to depression and fall for such trivial challenge in life. That was when life proved me wrong again.

SUCCESS IS NO MEASURE OF HAPPINESS

At an early age and being a professional, I was all set to brave the waves. I told God, as long as you keep me healthy I am prepared for any challenge. That was when he threw me the biggest challenge that I could not surmount. Life hasn't been easy for me all along. I am an avid fan of the guitar and through college, I paid for my own guitar lessons by giving tuition to kids in my neighbourhood. I cut grass for my neighbours to be paid some pocket money. During holidays I would carry dishes for the banquet department in hotels. I do not have much, but I can survive and do what I love.

At 28, I made my first bucket of gold. Never have I thought life would be so rosy and success is not elusive to the hungry and ambitious. Again, life thought me that there is more to learn. A series of failed investments, death of loved ones, failed marriage, suddenly I am staring at the inevitable. The entire journey and a series of continuous misfortunes was overbearing, looks like my shoulders are not broad enough. The weight was bringing me down. I had suddenly be hit by the shackle of my own thoughts and inhibitions.

MY HOUSE BECAME MY PRISON

The symptoms are slowly creeping in. Irregular meals and bleak outlook on life. I started cutting out from my social circle, I became very comfortable being alone. Then, I started to realise that each time I leave house, the only thing in my mind is to return home. The house has become my prison. The entire journey was lonely. The feeling was decapitating. Solitude seems like a very comfortable idea.

DEPRESSION WILL MAIM EVEN THE STRONGEST

A few things that I start to realise, that depression does not choose its victim. Those that falls into depression are not weak, uneducated, poor or unaccomplished. They face a psychological daily struggle to stay afloat. The lead singer in Linkin Park gave us most inspirational songs on life and how to brave it. Many of us did not believe that we willl see the day when Chester Bennington would take his own life and succumb to depression.

For those that thinks depression will only affect the weak could not be more wrong. Depression has no criteria in choosing its victim. When it manifests itself, it will always be a situation of a little too late. We think that mental fortitude means being resilient and tough. Those that face depression suffered in silence because they refuse to accept that despite their accomplishments, this 'illness' has laid its iron grip on them.

This piece is one that is very close and dear to my heart and at the time of writing, this entire concept of depression is still sinking in.

Steemout!