Independent
Like the cold breeze, they are back
ennui that made me...
Lies within me, an uncovered story.
It was all the expenses
no time to think or swallow.
Anxiety and fear of losing stemmed from being answerable, unable to trust. And here I am.
Independence is what I sought. Avoid everything, do whatever I want. But as I sat in wilderness, no human, nothing at all. Was this what I wanted, or something else? No one to observe other than me. I wanted to avoid the very feeling.
I know what I don't want. But what do I actually want? I am not free, and never was going to be. I ran, but towards what?
Something of myself, a goal, is lost. I am lost. How can I be anything, if the life I lived is of avoidance.
What is freedom, actually?
Not freedom from something,
but freedom towards what?
Entry for the CONTEST: "The Keyword of the Week" / WETTBEWERB: "Das Schlüsselwort der Woche"
Upvoted! Thank you for supporting witness @jswit.
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@jswit reply-off
Someday, this state of ennui will dissipate, and by then, maybe one can see ahead to what they would want to do.
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or we just move in a continous loop and the satisfactory thing is that we get to live.
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Perhaps...
There he was. In prison. "I've been here so long I don't even remember what freedom is."
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Or the freedom he seeks only in his mind, the vast plains he can navigate. No false promises and earthly possessions to get distracted by.
There’s a Dutch film called "Into the Wild" – it captures exactly what you’re describing in your text. Perhaps you could have a look at it; I believe it’s available in English...
I will try watching it.
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