This is a beautiful post. I can really relate to everything you write. My Dad's been sick the last few years with cancer and I can't imagine who I will be without him - sometimes our very identities are tied to our fathers or the ones we love the most. He sounds like a wonderful person, and it sounds like you carry him with you always. Like your Dad, my Dad's also a nature lover - I connect to him through being in the ocean, though he can't surf anymore due to his hips being fractured due to the chemo. But I always though, that's how I'll connect to him, even when he's gone.

I am sure you don't disappoint your father - I am sure he loved you no matter what, and has given you the skills to create the life you want, which WILL come as you've already put it in motion with your thoughts! xxx