This freewrite seemed nice and it's something we can learn from. Maybe you had some personal problem at this time that's why you resort into stuffs like this. If we are able to meet in college, I could have give you a case study because we will study your life and give interventions to help you. We can provide you suicidal hotlines as well as the others. You can try go to Psychology college students and they can help you if you want and they assist you.