You are no coward. This internalizing and deep questioning is human. I am guilty of this as well.
The most common exercise I usually try out is building a wall in front of me, like an invisible wall. Try it and tell me how it feels. ChatGPT suggested it to me.
If you are not able to go to therapy regularly, talk with AI models, not in an obsessive way, and ask them to be critical of you. Suggest that you can take it.
You’ll find a model that, though not human, understands you. I have tried two or three times and sometimes you get something out of yourself.
Keeping in mind I am not an expert in this.
It will tell you that you are a deep thinking and creative human who observes the world like no other, and this is not a flaw.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​