If You Only See Yourself
When you are in the honeymoon period of a relationship, it feels like you are on top of the world.
Everything is full of hope and beauty. Bare minimum behavior is mistaken for some kind of grand romantic gesture.
It's like you bought a new pair of glasses—albeit the wrong prescription. You see everything through the rose-tinted lenses, viewing life from a fresh, distorted perspective.
So beautiful; such a beautiful lie.
You become such an easy-going person, so pleasing to be around; you say yes to everything, until not even a ballerina is as flexible as you are.
Have you ever seen anyone being whiplashed back and forth, up and down, yet they keep their smile on like a crazy idiot, as if they don't have a mind of their own?
Fair enough- you thought love was everything, right?
Even when sometimes things go wrong - or when, most of the time, there are more wrongs than rights - you feel that as long as you have each other, love conquers all.
Or maybe you are just bad at Math.
You tell yourself it's getting better because you are putting in the effort. Perhaps you think you are special enough to change them - that you can actually fix them. After all, love is everything.
Perhaps you should look up in the dictionary for the meaning of savior complex. Damn, you can’t even protect yourself, what’s more being a hero for others.
But wait. Wait until you get a private lease to start a new life together. Then, every day you will wake up to a brand new discovery of the love of your life. This is where you’ll get your never-ending pleasant unpleasant surprises.
Isn't it so exciting? To be able to get to know each other even more?
Photo by Chris Yang on Unsplash
Wait for it: the revelation of the contrast between what was on the surface and who that person actually is.
Then, maybe you’ll finally realize that what you thought you saw isn’t what it really is.
This isn't some psychedelic rabbit hole or a happily ever after fairy tale anymore.
This is your life.
Can't you smell it by now? We all saw you rolling in that pile of manure you insisted was a meadow under the sky. You tragic fool. Yeah - the shit is up to your nose now.
Welcome to the real world.
Welcome to your new shite life.
Now the world will see how you'll turn shit to gold.
©Britt H.
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It is very sad but unfortunately this is life. I curse the years of media that romanticized love. I really like the piece.
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You can always walk out. It takes courage but isn't impossible.
You need no one to make you feel unhappy...
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Those years of media really ruined our heads with all that 'happily ever after' brainwashing.
It seems so.
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Is marriage, or should I say the wedding ceremony, romantically the best day of your life? This was certainly not the case for me, and I am definitely not the only one; it is all talk that it has to be this way. There are cultures where the bride, no matter how young, is slapped in the face and the whole family stands by cheering. There are many people who are kicked out of their marriages, and I say people because this also happens to men. How often do we really marry the love of our lives? I don't think very often. We take far too much account of what our family or society thinks, even after so many centuries in which so many races and classes have mixed. Relationships that break down? In my experience, this is often the result of the family. Having to walk on eggshells for your family and live up to their expectations is unsustainable. Why do we stay when we could leave? Probably because it costs money to leave and start over, and those who stay at least know what to expect: the next beating, the next humiliation. Romanticising everything, especially in bad times, is also something people do to survive, and of course the media and films help with that. Although there are plenty of films that show the opposite, they seem to make less of an impression. Dependency is also a good reason to get married, to do what the family says, to avoid being seen as an old maid or a beggar. Whatever the case, you always pay a high price. I don't think love is blind; love sees everything, including the negatives, and that's how it should be. Loving someone means that you have judged them honestly and support them loyally, regardless of the things that person does that you don't like so much. After all, we are not perfect ourselves and we also have our bad days and our bad qualities. Being in love is certainly blind, especially in the first few weeks, which is why it is wise not to get married then. First, spend a few weeks together in a small tent, the kind where you have to crawl outside in your sleeping bag and then go inside, and see if you can survive that.
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I’ve heard of rituals like this. It seems designed to force the bride through a public humiliation, allowing the new in-laws to exert power over her from day one.
Once again, we are talking about 7 or 8-year-old girls who are immediately beaten up at a wedding, I mean punched in the face by a 35-year-old man, a paedophile? Sorry, but I have no respect for that. And certainly not for that family who are cheering because a child is being taught a lesson in listening. In that regard, they apparently don't take into account the fact that there are also children who eventually take revenge and go after someone with an axe, or who take the trouble and wait for the right moment, like in the film The Glory, and take revenge on their bullies, because a guy like that is also a bully and, incidentally, I don't really think he's a person to be respected. I also don't believe that people like that end up in heaven, on the contrary.
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A system that allows an adult man marrying a child is just so disturbing
And the strange thing is that it just happens; I don't understand it at all. What I also don't understand is why one person is arrested and ends up in prison, while others simply walk free, and why we are all supposed to accept that. Epstein and his paedophile island are now also the subject of much attention. Let's see how it ends. Probably the biggest players will get off scot-free, a few people will be sacrificed, and then everyone will live happily ever after, except for the victims.
Time to drag myself out of bed and brew a cup of tea, it's a stormy day.
Try to enjoy yourself! Grab every second you can
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It’s a disgusting pile of mess. It really shows how the rich and powerful believe they can get away with anything. Look at the latest news, a former prince gets arrested only to be immediately released.
It's hot day here as usual. I'll be having my bedtime tea around 7pm
If the other person truly appreciates us as their partner, I would gladly embrace all of them, flaws and all. I can easily overlook certain things when there is mutual respect. But the moment they start acting like they’re 'God’s gift' to the world, every little imperfection becomes incredibly annoying
God's gift, I had to throw up when I read that. I know exactly what you mean. That whole attitude alone is sickening. I wonder how people can get to that point of thinking, honestly, only people with an inferiority complex think that way. No normal, right-minded person even thinks in such extremes and doesn't feel the need to constantly say or prove it. These kinds of people have a lot to learn, and what they certainly don't realise is that they are making enemies and that, in reality, many people don't find them nice, attractive, charming or a gift from God at all, quite the contrary. These are the kinds of people who would be the first to be eliminated if you had the chance to do something with impunity for 24 hours. A film has also been made about this, so the subject is clearly a live one. I always wonder what kind of parents these people have and whether those parents ever feel the urge to give their child a good kick up the backside. I certainly would do that to my son. I brought them into this world, so I can also kick them out again. At least I'm not so blind that I don't see these kinds of traits in the people around me or my children. That doesn't mean I would accept everything, on the contrary. But I'm not going to argue about toothpaste caps not being on the tube. Fortunately, I don't have to, and that also applies to changing things, because I have people around me who have roughly the same lifestyle. Furthermore, I now assume that if I accept something from others, they will accept something from me. It can't be that one person lies on the sofa all day and I do all the work. I'm not having any of that. When it comes down to it, I'm doing less and less, and yes, that little round "bug" crawling across the floor is my new domestic helper. I need another one that crawls across the sofa and one that crawls across the windows, although that's less important. One for the laundry wouldn't be a bad idea either, and I'll have to look for a floor scrubber to scrub the floors. And then there's the garden, of course, but I don't know if a robot like that would cope with all the bumps and lumps, partly because it used to be farmland and you could walk there, and the moles do their very best to leave their molehills everywhere. And I won't even mention the dachshund that digs all day long.
Coming back to accepting each other: you have to know yourself well to know what you can and cannot accept and simply bring this up, because after all, we all have our limits. Unfortunately, talking and communicating together is rarely done, and in that respect, it is foolish to think that you can live together. When all the tasks are always pushed onto one person, when one person always has to make all the compromises, then it is already doomed to fail. And as you wrote, you are the idiot who does not realise how he is being treated and rolls through the shit, while the rest stand by and watch, not lifting a finger, let alone saying a word.
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I’ve always been so aware of my own shortcomings that I felt I should be grateful for anyone to accept me as I am. So, it was a total shock to encounter someone who thinks they can do no wrong. In their delusional eyes, they are a duo of a Saint Mother raising a God son. Yeah, I want to vomit too. It’s a total delusion that invalidates every real issue I try to bring up. They act as if they have no shortcomings at all—like you should just stand there in awe and tell them even their farts smell nice.
Like you, I wish I could reclaim my time from all these chores and spend it on things that actually matter. Housekeeping robots should be able to handle everything around the house by now. They just need to become affordable enough for the rest of us
The idiot definitely knows they’re rolling in manure by now. The real problem is that the manure doesn't realize it's manure yet. It’s still convinced it’s God’s gift to the world.
I have to ask, why did camping come to mind? Do you like it, or are you watching a show about it? Because I am watching Solo Camping for Two!
It looks so enjoyable, and I almost convinced myself I wanted to try it until I remembered who I am. I have a hard enough time with public toilets; how would I ever survive actual camping? I think all the guys in the world would give up on me on the first night! LOL
I don't like camping at all; I find it hard going. I prefer to travel around in a camper van, but I don't have one anymore. It was an old 1970 Ford van that had been converted into a camper van. It was like a doll's house. As for my comment about camping, that comes from my father. He once said that if you couldn't last two weeks in a tiny tent where you had to crawl outside in your sleeping bag and then try to get into the tent and you couldn't turn around, and of course the weather had to be awful, then if you couldn't survive that, you definitely shouldn't move in with someone. In my opinion, going for a drive with a man and going out for dinner together is enough. There are a lot of men who become aggressive in traffic when things don't go their way, and then there are their table manners. You can glean a lot of information from that, and those are the things that are bound to annoy you. Any know-it-all behaviour, dominance or aggressive behaviour when things go wrong are definitely worth considering as reasons not to continue the relationship. I also think that, in addition to having your own life, you need to have the same interests, otherwise everything will fall apart.
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The camper van idea is actually really interesting to me because you can actually live in it. I love watching those videos on social media, but of course they usually only show the good bits. No one ever mentions the reality of clearing out the toilet. That's definitely not a flush and done thing.
I think there are plenty of videos showing how to clean the toilet and how to shower, whether or not in those super-small campervans. Those are the kinds of things you'll probably find if you search for 'tiny homes'. I enjoy watching them too. When it comes down to it, you can be happy with very little. I did see a woman who had literally turned a caddy into a kind of camper van, which means she lies down in the back, puts the mattress down, puts a cupboard around it, and that would be a bit too small for me. I don't think she had a toilet either, or maybe something that could serve as one in an emergency. I don't necessarily need a shower room or a bathtub, because there are plenty of campervan sites that have those, so you can just go there, but I do want to be able to wash myself, and a solution for doing laundry would also be nice. Perhaps that can also be found at campervan sites. There aren't many laundrettes around here anymore. There are also those who share their troubles, such as how they get through the winter or how they deal with moisture and condensation, or the problem of being placed somewhere to stand while others seem to stand in the same place for ages and only start the thing when they go shopping. There are also plenty who always have the internet with them and just use a solar panel, which powers everything, including the fridge. The ways in which they cook are also very interesting.
To me these are cosy homes.
Search for: tiny home vans
Women of all ages live in freedom and there are such a cosy ones 😍
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I think a lot of it depends on where you are in the world. I don’t think Malaysia has the facilities for this. Like the dedicated sites, public showers, or even the basic safety required.
I recently watched a Japanese drama where a man had a full fridge and cooking space in his van, even hosting guests! Though, his wife kicked him out because he spent their savings to buy it.
Even if a man isn't trying to punch someone or trying to run people over, you can learn a lot about them by what comes out of his mouth in traffic. Nasty words, racist stuff, misogynistic thoughts. Not sure if it's the case with your culture but men here very much like to accuse women as bad drivers
I totally agree so a drive, dinner and a few weeks in a tent is all you need to figure it out and meet the real person.
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I think dinner alone isn't enough; it’s too easy for them to keep their mask on unless they start treating the waitstaff badly.
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