You are viewing a single comment's thread from:
RE: Champagne Stories and Forgotten Shadows
The one time I celebrated at church years ago, I ended up crying throughout the Christmas mass. It was actually quite embarrassing because I started crying in the middle of it.
I was just so overwhelmed by the fact that, for the first time in decades, I was finally able to celebrate in peace.
I wonder which fairy tale you had in mind? I was actually thinking of The Little Match Girl when I wrote that.
I doubt it's embarrashing if you cry in the church. During the mass more people will and with us there are hundreds of people. No on cares.
That's the story. It's obvious you had that in mind.
I didn’t dare turn around or look at anyone while I was crying during the mass. It felt as though everyone else was in such a jolly mood, dressed in their Sunday best.
I usually try to sit in the first few rows; it helps reduce my anxiety because I don't have to see the crowd behind me.
I had read The Little Match Girl many times before with indifference. But one day, I read it again and it finally clicked.
I understood how it felt, standing in the cold and looking through the glass at the warmth inside.
If you ask me only if people enter the church in there special clothes it feels like as if they are jolly but once they sit in the church there is nothing to be jolly about a listen some even think and emotional many will be for sure especially if they know they have to go back to their homes. There are more lonely people that you can imagine and there are many suicides at the end of the year and for sure is one of them has a very good reason.
I know from the very first started I heard it's fairy tale and later on I read it to click was there. The totally fear to go back home if you don't shell all the matches the beating up to no food. I could say I could imagine that I know how it is rather stay outside in the cold and cold back home because you know what you can expect and there are moments you rather die outside instead of going back to what should be home but is the most scariest place on earth. The oldest striking thing of the stories of course the Christmas thought, the hypocrisy, all those people in a hurry to go home to celebrate Christmas to feed themselves and not one single person stops and takes in a stranger or hand to a little girl? It says enough about humanity. A strange word humanity the last thing humans are.
Everyone carries their own hidden burdens, whether at home or at work and everywhere else.
During the celebrations and after Mass, all I saw was joy; people hugging, greeting each other, and heading off to second rounds of parties.
Social media and writing platforms have two completely different atmospheres. Social media is filtered and curated, showing only the highlights.
But in deeper writing, I see the truth: even though I feel isolated, I am not alone in my struggle. There are so many others suffering in silence.
The story of the Little Match Girl is especially striking because the cold darkness outside versus the warmth of a celebration you aren't part of is so obvious.
But honestly, even if we are invited, it may be even worse being inside depending on who we are with.
To me, this feeling isn’t limited to one season, but having Christmas, the New Year, and Lunar New Year so close together is exhausting.
It feels like a neverendingly cycle of 'jollity' being rubbed into my wounds.
People ask why I don’t join them, but what for?
Celebrations are meant to be shared with those who truly care for us. Why should I join a party hosted by people who only wish me no good?