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RE: Structures of Nothing
I really like your take on this. It feels like society expects us to be on a constant loop of positivity, especially on social media where everyone only posts their highlights. When you actually express yourself in a truthful, practical way, people react as if you’re diseased. It makes me wonder if the world is so blinded by rainbow-colored glasses that they’ve forgotten life isn't all unicorns and sweets. I feel like I was made to feel bad just for refusing to pretend the world is perfect.
I certainly wouldn't feel bad because of others. Personally, I think we should just show ourselves as we are and how we feel, because that's how we learn. Why always keep up appearances and pretend that everything is hunky-dory? How can you teach your children to deal with sadness, depression, setbacks and rejection if, as a parent, you always gloss over these things and pretend they don't exist? Young children are very sensitive to their parents' moods, so there is no need to keep up appearances. If they don't feel like joining in, they will simply walk away and play on their own. What is the point of having friends if you always have to be cheerful and then go home and cry your eyes out, feeling incredibly lonely? What's the point of listening to idiots talking about positive thinking and looking at how bad others have it to supposedly cheer yourself up, posting it on the internet when in reality you feel deeply unhappy? How on earth are you supposed to vent, to show how you really feel, if it's forbidden, if you're not allowed to tell the truth, if you're labelled a whiner and a crybaby?
I don't believe that you are less strong, man or woman, if you do express your feelings. Nor do I think that you should pretend to be fine for the sake of so-called protection. This is about you, these are your feelings and they count just as much as those of others. Anyone who doesn't want to be confronted with this, who doesn't want to hear or see it, can just leave. What I also dislike are those people who immediately think they have to come up with all kinds of tips on how to make you feel better. Tips that never work. People don't all say the same thing, and processing something takes time. The soul or the spirit, whatever you want to call it, has no concept of time; that's something else that people impose. I also don't think friends are friends if they think you should be happier and immediately label everything you say as stupid or negative. There's also such a thing as realism, and the first step is to recognise that it exists. To do that, you have to try to express your feelings and then take a somewhat sober look at everything to weigh it up. All those so-called positive slogans are just a way of avoiding having to face up to how someone else or you yourself are really doing.
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Most of the time, we just need a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Some people feel they have to say something, as if we should just dump our sadness and cheer up instantly, which is always easier said than done.
I remember when a close friend was going through a hard time; we all just went to his house to be with him. We didn't say, 'I know you're sad, cheer up!'
We just held the space. We did whatever he wanted to do, like playing games or just hanging out.
I think it's enough to know that someone is there, and sooner or later, the truth will come out. Often, it's true that you want to be heard, and then distraction plays a big role. Just sitting in a corner crying or lying in bed doesn't usually make the situation any better, and lying in bed only works if you are actually able to sleep and somehow process what's going on.
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People need time to process things
Haha, I love how you put that. That kind of talk actually makes people feel worse because it would frame ourselves as inadequate
But the sad thing is that this is the situation where people put on a front for the internet and act happy and give so-called pep talks, while in reality they are sitting alone at home feeling miserable and crying their eyes out, and then I think, how are you supposed to find friends or someone who will listen to you if you always put on a front? And then sooner or later it goes wrong, everyone attempts suicide, and then you get the family and the whole neighbourhood saying: how is that possible, he was fine, always so cheerful, always this, always that. I find it inconceivable that family or friends would not notice that someone is not doing well. I think you can feel or notice it because the atmosphere changes. It doesn't mean you're always able to respond to it, but it's noticeable nonetheless. So I would definitely not be one of those people who say afterwards: how strange, he was such a sweet, easy-going, cheerful person, blah blah blah.
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I think most people are just too selfish to look past their own 'charmed' lives. They feign ignorance and then they feign shock when the worst happens.
There's always some telling signs