I’ve been reading through your posts, and to be honest, it’s clear that you’re getting things off your chest, but that you’re also expecting some sort of response. And you only get a response if people read what you’ve written, and that’s when they decide whether it’s worth giving you an upvote. That upvote is the small income you’re talking about. At least on this platform.

To be honest, I think it’s unlikely that people here will force you to do ABC or even just Z.

Furthermore, I don’t think your posts make it very clear what your situation is actually like.

I think the following says enough, and from my own experience I can only say that if your situation is really bad enough, you’ll definitely go, even if you’re not sure what lies ahead (who is, and that certainty will never exist). Money does indeed play a role, but there will always be help. Help that you cannot see right now, coming from an unexpected quarter, and which is not visible or present at the moment, as I have experienced. If you do not leave, it also means that you are resigning yourself to your situation or dying. As for the latter: we are all going to die. Nobody needs to remind you of that.

I write to process my pain and to grow as a writer, but that doesn’t mean I’m open to decisions that would affect me in a far more dangerous way.

As for your personal conversations with friends: friends cannot sense how you are feeling at that moment, so you will have to express that yourself each time. I understand that distant reaction of yours as a form of self-protection, but also that your friend notices it. Because you are indeed distant when you first pour out your heart and then, with pain and difficulty, leave short messages.

Incidentally, I also read a lot in this piece of yours where I think you see and, above all, feel things in a certain way, whilst that might not be the intention at all. At least, I don’t see it the way you do, the reactions of people as you describe them. Perhaps it’s also worth bearing in mind that you’re not the only one being put under pressure and feeling driven into a corner; this applies to the friends around you too.
I wonder whether the people around you actually expect anything from you at all. The fact that someone says: ‘do this or that’ or ‘try this or that’ doesn’t mean they expect you to do it. Often, especially when the word ‘if’ is thrown in, it’s just thinking out loud, an attempt to think along with you and help you see things differently. If you don’t feel the need for this, you should simply say: ‘I just want to get something off my chest’, and then you don’t need to respond any further. Is that alright?
This would be a lot healthier for both of you. Ultimately, it’s your life, and I don’t think you can blame people who listen to you and may or may not suggest something in response – or who, after thinking it over at length, might even explore the possibilities – for your feeling that you’re being forced in a certain direction, such as booking a flight to an unknown destination straight away; and that’s certainly how it sounds to me when I read this.

What I also understand is that this feeling is really bothering you.

I wish you strength and above all peace of mind.
❤️