RE: If You Can't Perform Your Pain, That's It for You. You Are to Die on Your Own
You vomit because of stress, or rather, you vomit after the stress, and that's not really going to change, especially if you focus on it and can't find another way to express yourself.
I know plenty of people and children who do this; some get over it and others don't.
I agree with you that what we see on television and what is written about panic attacks is certainly far from the truth and paints a distorted picture. But isn't this true of all illnesses?
In your case, it certainly won't help if you scream loudly and then call for help. By now, people are used to you and see you as someone who wants attention; you've already been labelled as such.
What might help is if you ask for help and say when you feel nauseous: I think I have food poisoning, and then run away. Food poisoning is more tangible than feelings you may or may not have and express or not express.
The reason no one listens to you or takes you seriously? It's not because you desperately try to cover everything up and keep it inside, but because you actually always have something wrong with you. And this makes you part of a very large group of people who are in fact chronically ill. People who are chronically ill are no longer taken seriously because they are the ones who 'always have something wrong with them'. People who always have a little ache or fear are no longer seen. Regardless of whether this is true or a form of attention-seeking. Someone who has a silly cut on their finger or a loose piece of skin on their nail and the oven is beeping gets all the attention. These are usually people who are considered pitiful, but who also have a 'problem' that can be solved immediately. When it comes to chronic conditions, there is never a solution, and I know how often people would rather not have problems and recurring problems. And they would rather not be confronted with them either; it's just exhausting.
I don't cry or complain either, and I don't raise my voice. Even when I fall down the stairs, I don't swear and you won't hear a peep from me. I can't throw up either, because that was forbidden to me as a grandchild. Swallow it down was the warning.
The consequence of always being left to your own devices and being threatened is that you learn to save yourself, even if your self-reliance seems to be at a very low level. By running away and just making it to the toilet or home, you protect others and not yourself, because you remove all evidence that something serious is going on that everyone thinks or wants to admit. And here, too, you wear a mask.
I don't have a solution for this at the moment, except to try to be your own dirty, ugly self as much as possible. You know, that person that no one wants to see because they think you should put on another mask. It will be a long period of struggle, or is it resistance, but eventually you will see that you have space for yourself and that the people around you will matter less and less, but also that you will attract more and more pleasant people. People who take you seriously. It won't be a very large group, but they will be there and that will make your life easier in any case.
❤️🍀
Never once I was able to scream but eventually I managed to tell someone I'm feeling unwell. Not sure screaming was possible. It needed so much additional energy.
Right. People would think "She's always like that" and don't even bother anymore.
I learn to minimize my 'noise' and pain because I'm really afraid of making a scene. When I had my injection during primary school, I was really scared but I look at the girl in front of me and she seems so brave. So I learnt that from her. Put on a fake brave mask.
I can imagine that no one would know that you fell down the stairs.
It's not necessarily true that the girl sitting in front of you was brave. Everyone reacts in their own way, and perhaps she was in shock or simply couldn't do anything else at that moment but sit there and watch. You don't know how she felt at home or how she feels today when he says he can still remember that incident. I recognise a lot of what you're saying. It's not that if you have something chronic, you're no longer taken seriously if you have something more than twice. You're also not taken seriously if you never complain. If you never open your mouth, if you never shout, then you are not taken seriously, and people with a strong personality are not taken seriously anyway. People say: yes, yes, I know you're having a hard time, but you'll be fine (this is something my father literally said to me before he turned around, got in his car and drove away).
In nearly every case no one knows I fell of the stairs or have been seriously ill. I simply continue, with or without pain, high fever, although today it's less (the continuing...)
You mean the fell was a recent incident?
I don't really know how that girl feels inside but it was the only way I could copy others and pretend to be like everyone else.
Yes...yes...we look back and we know we had survived