A Confession

I keep thinking if I have a confession to make. The priest waits but nothing comes to mind.

Come on girl everyone is a sinner, tell me about all those bad things you did today and during the past week if you want absolution and go to heaven one day.

Heaven? It sounds to me it is the worst place to be. If I see all those people claiming they deserve that place all I want is to scream, beg and go to hell. Hell must be a heaven to be. No hypocrites, a good temp so I won't feel cold any longer. The higher the temp the less hunger you feel and if I may believe Lucifer we all build our own hell. My hell looks good and peaceful, unlike the heaven the priest paints me from the other side of the wooden booth. He waits and so do I. No way I trust the old man who can't keep his hands to himself. My brother and his friends told me and I wonder what heaven will look like for boys like my brother being surrounded by all those great members of the church.

There's nothing, I say after I hear the heavy church door being closed.
I don't pray, I don't believe in god, in men dictating rules and for a moment I wonder what religion would look like dominated by women. Would they all sexually abuse children, beat up men and humiliate whoever they meet just because it's the goddess's will, written in some book by a female emperor?

Think, the old man says, think deeper. You are a born sinner.

I wonder why I am a born sinner but instead of asking why Jesus died for my sin. I mumble some nonsense.
.
Speak a bit louder my child, he says while leaning a bit forward.

I whisper and move more forward while I smell his breath.

Yes, yes?

I didn't sin, I say but I will do something you might not approve but I tell you it's not important.

Why not?

He leaned forward while his nose touched the wooden grapes between us. I lifted the gun and shot.
For a moment I looked at the perfect hole between his eyes before he sank to the ground.
Amen, praise the lord, another bastard died.

Wednesday prompt: a confession
23.10.24