Learning Forgiveness In Friendship
In life, friendship is very important because it provides the platform for human relationship, support, companionship and even gives one a sense of belonging. You may not have been able to choose your family but your friendship is an expression of your choice. But in all these, it is worthy to note that friendships are not immune to offence. In fact, misunderstanding will arise from many factors which include differences in opinions, disagreement, etc. In the moment of misunderstanding and disagreement, forgiveness becomes very vital in order for the friendship to be sustained.
One of the things you need to understand about life and about friendship is that offences will come. In fact, even siblings that are born and grew up in the same environment do disagree sometimes, how much more the person who you never knew from origin. When offences come in a friendship, there are times that it may not be intentional nor the offender even knowing that they offended you. Bearing these offences may weigh you down and may even cost you your friendship. But when you talk it over and learn to forgive, you will feel better and of course, save your friendship.
There is nothing to gain by recounting offences but there is everything to gain by forgiving. If you will be sincere with yourself, you will know that you have also offended someone in the past - maybe not knowingly and you were forgiven, so why will you not forgive your friends when they err? You cannot expect your friend to be perfect and without offences, but it is how you handle the offence as it comes that will show if you are a good friend. Forgiving does not mean accepting an offence as normal, neither does it mean approving of it, but means you have grown pass it and that you have figured out ways to keep your emotions under control. However, in forgiving, there are things to keep in mind.
You need to keep active conversation and dialogue; let them know their offences and know that they need to stop them. If you do not communicate to your friends what offends you, they may keep doing it unknowingly without even having an idea that it hurts you. You do not have to get to a point when you have to condition your mind to allow offences as something usual. If something does not seem too right, then you should speak out immediately. But when speaking, you have to also know how to communicate it, so that you will not end up being the offender. Remember that the way you communicate is also as vital, if not more vital, than what you communicate.
In addition to learning to communicate, you also need to define your boundaries. As much as the person is your friend, it does not give them the free liberty to offend you at will. You need to try to set a limit of "dos and don'ts," so that they will have what to guide their actions. When there is a less offence, there will be less to forgive. Everyone has a limit to what they can comfortably bear. Know when to accept an action and know when to decline it, this will help to limit the eventualities of your friends unknowingly offending you, except they want to do it on purpose, which will be a different case.
The last point is to know and choose your friends wisely. If someone keeps offending you on purpose and you keep forgiving them on the same offence over and again, then you should know one thing - they are not your friend, because if they are, they will want your happiness. As much as forgiveness is a mandate and what you are supposed to do, friendship is a choice. When you make friends with sane, good, empathetic, and kind people, they will be no much need for constant forgiveness because offences will be on the very minimum. After all, forgiveness is only needed when there is an offences. But in all these, also learn to treat your friends kindly because they will also reciprocate to you the same way you treat them.
Thanks for reading
