Little Realities Of Me... [21-09-2026]

I feel like I have failed 😥
I never thought my life would be going the way it is now...
While still in school I had high hopes of making it after school...
But it turned out to be the opposite...
I was always optimistic about my life after school...
I know I tried my best in school, even if I wasn't the most intelligent...
But I put in my bests and all efforts to make sure I never disappointed myself and most especially my parents...

But at a point, I feel like i regret even going to school...
Maybe I would have used that time for something else...
I was 16yrs when I entered the high institution, graduated at 21yrs, finished serving at 24yrs...
Worked for some months at age 24, and stopped due to certain reasons...
Since then been searching for a job and it's not forthcoming...

I'm now 25yrs and I feel I have no much time left...
I'm just so confused that I'm so weak and don't actually know what to do...
Recent happenings in my life made me stop praying, and I feel that God doesn't answer my prayers...
Maybe he stopped when I was 16 or 17yrs...
Maybe too much sins, who knows 😂...
I have never said this out before, but sometimes I feel like I'm a failure 😂...
I'm just so tired...
Worst of it all, I'm the first child of my parent's...
Oh how I have failed them...
I think most times they may be ashamed of me and wouldn't say it out, so it wouldn't be like they are chasing me away...

Sometimes I feel like running away where no one can find me...
I feel like distancing myself from everyone...
I have too many prophecies that I'm a light and star of my family, but I'm not even seeing it, I'm just stucked in a place...
It seems my life isn't moving anymore...

I just pray this phase passes...
Sometimes I wish I could hear from God...
And I swear, I will do whatever he says I should do, if I'm truly sure he is the one speaking...
He knows my heart...
I will do because, I know he will always be by my side...
But how do I hear him speak to me?🤷‍♂️ I have no ideas how...
I'm just a confused soul, and I need help 😞...