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RE: I'm trying to stay positive, but it looks dark from here
Oh my, that looks like a man eating slug to me! I had no idea there were varieties that got that big. Watch your fingers now, don't want to lose one... :)
I'm sorry you are having a rough time. That torn muscles stuff is horrendous, I know. Best wishes for a speedy recovery, and that the grasshopper has a quick one too. Unless that means eating everything in your vegetable garden, in which case I agree with you, and will also retract my wish.
We have many, many slugs around here with all the rain, but I have never seen one that big. The banana slugs seem to stay out of the garden, so I just leave them alone. The nasty garden slugs get tossed to the ducks for immediate disposal.