Got Myself A Chainsaw. I'm A Little Nervous.

What's more fun than carrying around a pint of liquid explosive and pumping it through an internal combustion motor to drive razor-sharp blades through woody tissue while directing the fall of hundreds of pounds of lumber above you? Isn't that every little boy's dream?

What could be more dangerous? Not much I can think of, short of combat.

But I'm pretty excited to get my hands on this puppy. It's the first gas-powered chainsaw I've ever had.

I've gotten comfortable enough with electric chainsaws to wield them from ladder-tops, remove limbs, and even take down the occasional tree. They're light and low maintenance. As long as you keep the blade lubricated and on the track you're fine. Electric chainsaws don't rumble and vibrate in your hand, or blow exhaust back in your face, or threaten to permanently burn you with a red-hot muffler.

On the other hand, they don't have a lot of power. Plus, you've got to wrestle with an extension cord any time you want to use one. But this little monster, I can take this with me anywhere.

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It came to me as a bit of a surprise. I went over to my mother's place to help her out with some paperwork. It's always stressful going over there. Her boyfriend and I had a row several years back and he hasn't talked to me once ever since. So he'll busy himself out in the yard or work in the basement when I come over. It's extremely uncomfortable, and I try to keep the visits as short as possible.

So anyway, I show up last week and my mother says, "Hey, do you want a chainsaw? Steve's going in for heart surgery so he's not going to be able to use it any more."

"Um, maybe?" I said - not entirely sure I wanted to accept her boyfriend's generosity. "Doesn't he want to sell it on Craigslist or something?"

"Well, he took it from your grandfather's house when he cleaned it out." (This was three years ago.) "It's not really his, so it's yours if you want it."

In that case...bring it on!

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Clearly I've got to do a bit of reading and research before I start this thing up for the first time. I'm usually a figure it out as you go type of guy, but something tells me that this saw doesn't grant second chances. I really want to be comfortable with taking this thing apart and putting it back together again before I turn it on for the first time.

All I know so far is that lubricant goes in one of these holes and liquid explosive mixed with engine oil goes in the other.

So clearly I've got to go out for a new gas can, and some bar lubricant, and the proper type of engine oil. What else do I need?

Fortunately I've been able to download the manual, and it's full of all kinds of helpful illustrations like this one:

It looks like I'd better pick up some ear-plugs, goggles, and "safety chaps" while I'm at it. This is turning out to be a pretty significant run to Wal-Mart.

I have to say, though, the manual has some pretty thorough information about felling trees and cutting limbs. For example, did you know you always want to make your first cut on the "compression side" of a log, then pull the saw out and cut from the other side? (In other words, if you're cutting a log beyond the point where it's hanging over an edge, you want to cut the bottom first, because that's where the woody tissue is being squeezed together more.) The more I read this manual, the more I realize I'm lucky I haven't killed myself using the electric chainsaw.

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So, just why am I so excited about this internal-combustion powered death machine?

Well, this dead pine tree, for one thing.

It's over a foot across at the base and it's going to come down in one of these storms, sooner or later. It's out of reach of the house. We often park near it, though, and an unexpected fall could total a car.

We've got these dead scrub pines along the shore that aren't doing anyone any good. They're not big, but they're far enough from the house and deep into the underbrush, so navigating to them with an extension cord-driven saw just wasn't practical. Now I can make short work of them.

We've also got some trees overhanging the roof. In addition to the obvious threat of a heavy limb falling, all the excessive shade up there is contributing to mold and mildew. I'm not taking this whole tree down, but I do want to remove some of the lower hanging branches. Now I've just got to get comfortable enough with this machine that I can operate it standing on the roof, probably with a couple stout friends to hold the limb and keep it from going straight through into the living room.

The Wife has also started laying out some new plans for us. There's a place she wants to garden that has too much shade from a maple tree, and cutting a few key branches will allow us to convert a key patch of lawn into food-bearing earth. (Of course it'll require cutting from a ladder.) And we've got several trees growing dangerously close to our electrical service. The power company won't clear them unless they're actually in contact with the wires, and we can't afford an arborist, so it looks like it's time to put on my big-boy safety chaps and have a go with the new toy.

Something tells me I'm going to know this chainsaw pretty well before winter comes.

How about you? What's the most dangerous tool you've worked with? And did it make you nervous?