Orange Piss and The Miracle

While watching the movie "Jarhead" yesterday, I thought about this:

As a young practical joker in the military, I secretly caused my new boss's pee to turn semi-neon orange in color - using the urethral anesthetic/analgesic medication called pyridium.

The boss panicked and made a beeline to the base clinic; upon which he was eventually cleared.

He was thoroughly (and publicly) embarrassed by his less-than-stoic behavior and immediately ordered the team's senior enlisted member to "provide us with the appropriate EMI - Extra Military Instruction."

After a "splash down" in some $hit smelling mud, we were in the "down" position of a caterpiller push-up while the Gunny imparted his wisdom on us heathens...

"Listen up ladies. I have been informed that we have a freakin' genius in our midst! This individual has elevated stupidity from a mere science into a God Damn art form! Jesus H. Christ, maybe the Messiah has a freakin' rival!"

The Miracle

The following is a snippet of my Gunny's 30 minute tirade:

(Sowly pouring neon-orange piss on the back of my neck.)

"Gentlemen and Doc (me), Behold! One of you has turned water into wine! Doc! Tell me what freakin' vintage it is!..."

Needless to say, when we were allowed to recover (stand up) from the down position of the push-up, we did a 60 minute military calisthenics "warm-up" session, followed up with 3 hours - and many miles - of running until sunset with our arms outstretched, palms up and looking skyward for "manna from heaven."

Was the practical joke worth it?

Hell yeah! The boss was a prick and subsequently didn't last very long in our unit.

Cheers,

JaiChai

About the Author

He is a retired U.S. Military veteran. Believing that school was too boring, he dropped out of High School early; only to earn an A.A., B.S., and MBA in less than 4 years much later in life – while working full-time as a Navy/Marine Corps Medic. In spite of a fear of heights and deep water, he freefall parachuted out of airplanes and performed diving ops in very deep, open ocean water. He spends his days on an island paradise with his teenage daughter, longtime girlfriend and three dogs.