mind crap

I've never imagined myself being attracted to someone who had the same gender as me, before; Cause for me, it's kinda unnatural and imbalance. . girls are for boys only and vise versa. Opposites attract and it's immoral to be with the same sex, that's what society put into our minds.
Even when someone tried to court me during high school, i flatly rejected her. I'm only attracted to boys.
And now, i've never thought that i would feel this.
Love really is something; It's unpredictable and just comes unexpectedly; infecting your system.
Of all people, why to a "her"? and why her? Yeah she doesn't look like a her, but she's hard to reach; famous and has fans supporting her, she's surrounded by celebrities; more beautiful, attracting and has a say in life unlike me. And obviously, there's a lot of competition.
How can she even notice me? I don't have the privilege of going to her events even once. And even if i would have, there's no way that i could get near her, what more talk to her and leave an impression? too impossible.
Well, i made a little move, just few days ago. I tried to be part of her fansclub and just waitin for the confirmation. I think of this as my first step.
I am also submitting some photos/ portfolio to enter modelling.
I wanted to keep up withher; To have a chance of her noticing me and if it turns out well, it's not a disgrace 'cause we're in the same world; so less violent reactions. I don't even want to ruin her career.
Some of it were still dreams but i'm hoping that it would come true. and making the impossible be possible.