Sixteenth Dolphin: But I Need More

Source edited

By reading my title you might feel I am achieving my targets, but I am not satisfied because the things are not happening the way I expected them to happen.

I feel my achievement mixed with no satisfaction. I wanted my journey to be not only my personal growth and success story but bit of my life as a content creator.

In fact, I am chasing my targets but missing the soul of it all, and that is the reason for my frustration.

I've hit my initial targets to some extent. Yes, I am making videos and uploading posts, participating in contests and everything on Steemit. I am meeting project deadlines off and online. I am having a steady climb on my reputation points as well as increasing SP.

Oh yes, I have reached 80K SP before I thought I would reach despite the fact that I have withdrawn a few thousands but trying to increase them on exchanges. No I haven't spent a single Steem for my personal use so far. Maybe I will bring them back when the time is right.

On paper, it's all ticking along perfectly. But as I sit here hitting the keys of my laptop, there's this gnawing dissatisfaction. Things aren't unfolding the way I envisioned them. Not even close. I feel sorry when I see my better posts go unnoticed.

Let me go back to May 2022 when, fresh, and knew nothing about this site, but as soon as I got some recognition, thanks to @disconnect, @josevas217 and @weisser-rabe I saw big dreams. I wanted to build something authentic here, my passion for the stories and street food reviews that transport you from a five-star restaurant to street food corners and micro-videos capturing the color of local markets. But then everything has a flip side even if you don't see it in the beginning.

I set a target, 1 post a day or more, maybe 40 a month, and collaborations with like-minded creators. And guess what? I'm delivering, yet no satisfaction. Why? Because the magic I wanted to crave, the connections, and the deep dives into real conversations aren't materializing. I found some like minded people but they have their own standards. I miss them but then I am not responsible fully.

I expected my mystery content, the fiction contest, and attract management's attention. It did but only up to limited extent which I thought will draw fellow Steemians. I wanted to start travel with top contest topics instead, Steemit's SLC algorithm and metrics are mostly focused on similar or repeated topics.

I spend hours into searching and researching new topics for travel and writing contests, but the feedback feel hollow. It's not the audience's fault but maybe it's mine for expecting attention from management every time but fail.

I imagining a seamless blend of project management precision with creative freedom but the reality is bigger than fiction. And I learned it the hard way. The down trend in rates of Steem, the erratic and interface uploads, now feels rotten.

I have met my targets on paper alright, but where's the joy? I see no real meaning. Things aren't happening my way. One might feel they're happening efficiently, but not to my satisfaction. To be frank, I am not getting what I wanted to get. Or maybe my expectation are too high which bypass my inner storyteller. That's fine but making my journey tough.

I feel targets are maps, not the destination yet, the disconnect stings. Perhaps I shouldn't expect the unexpected. So, what's next? I'm tweaking my targets and making them matching with fellow Steemians. I'll lean into community, learn from the community to adjust myself better.

In fact, I want Steemit to come back to a community system for better coordinated work, which should benefit more Steemians, including bringing back the moderation system. May I dare say, personal development isn't linear, but it's the detours that build resilience.

Dear Steemians, if you're reading this and nodding, I know you're not alone. Achievement is the skeleton and satisfaction is in real achievement. I need satisfaction. What about you? Are you hitting your targets?

I am achieving my targets on paper, that should be enough to make me happy. I am doing what I planned to do. I am meeting deadlines, completing tasks, and moving forward in the direction I chose for myself. But deep inside, I still feel unsatisfied. The reason is simple, things are not happening the way I expected them to happen.

This is a strange place to be in. From the outside, it may look like I am doing well. I am progressing, staying disciplined, and reaching my goals one by one. But success does not always feel the way we imagine. Reaching 80 K SP is not the bottom of the ocean or end of the road, I need more than this, I want to dive deeper.

I invite @suboohi, @ripon0630 @josepha @sduttaskitchen and @jyoti-thelight hoping that my dreams will come true when the time is right.