Introducing Myself

Hey Everybody! :-)

My name is Nicole and I'm 29 years old.

The expectation is that I now tell you how awesome my studies have been, how far I've come in my business career, happily married family with kids... the jolly adventures of an absolutely brilliant life.
I'm not here to tell you any of that though.

As a younger girl with 2 older brothers, I grew up with the love of playing games, any games, horror films, horror games, boys things etc. Somehow I remained a girl lol My parents divorced at the age of 5, very young, however I do remember me and my mom leaving - an image that will never leave my mind. I was obviously too young to know what was happening at the time, but today I suppose I can say I am glad it happened. Probably because it would feel absolutely weird imagining them together, I have absolutely no memories of them being together in my first 5 years.

I was always an A-student, usually in the Top 5 of the class, sometimes of the grade, loved making friends, had at the time what i thought was great friends.

I had a baby at the age of 16 (he is now 12 going on 13 in November) This was with my first love (or so I assumed at the time, you know the first guy that really invested in me. Had I known back then that that investment would ruin my teenage-hood, I might have walked a different path. And I don't say this because I fell pregnant. I say this because he was abusive and threatened the safety of our lives. My first post was a poem written 2 years after the break up with him. You might have noticed the "Anti-abuse" tag that happened there.

Having said that, I completed my high schooling without failing a single year even with the baby and the abuse (yes I'm super proud of that).
In this instance, I truly believe the saying, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

Moving on, I finished High School and immediately started working. There was never the question of college or university for me. With being a single parent, and having no money to study, working was the only way. I didn't have long-term jobs, all contract based up until 2009 when a friend of mine got me a 3 month contract which turned permanent. I am still at the same company today. And I've learnt so much being here. I can almost work in any department if they ask my assistance, I'm a quick learner and I love to learn, I love knowledge - ironic that something I love so much was not in the books for me.

Although, I was always confused - IF i had studied what I would have studied had the choice been given to me.
I was a girly girl and a tomboy. Does that even make sense? Let me explain. I love to paint my nails when I have the chance, I would open a beauty parlor (I like pretty hair and nails) if I could and at the same time I could open a Tattoo Parlor (I love to draw), I could Karaoke all day (I love to sing) I could become a Lawyer (Believe me I know how to ask the right questions at the right time and my mind will intervene with the questions no one is willing to ask) or even Mechanic - I like the smell of oil and fixing things. In general, i like fixing things and I like to learn how to fix things. So this was always confusing me me, even since the picking of subjects in Grade 10. I was like...um just pick something Nicole...

I had many, many heart breaks. One led to me having an Ectopic Pregnancy, which I had no idea was happening. When this burst, It was the most painful thing I had ever felt in my life.
One specific break up, led to a 2 year gap of single life (with my boy of course). Then i met my current partner, we have been together since 2015. He had his own medical issues before (having had cancer which was thankfully discovered in the early stages due to being in a car accident - go figure) He was told he would never have kids.
In May 2016, I found out i was pregnant and although he was shocked and excited, he was scared as hell. This caused a lot of arguments of course (Felt neglected emotionally, physically and mentally) Things changed when baby was born in January 2017. For a like a week... we had a lot of ups and downs, by December 2017, we finally moved in together. We were doing well in our jobs, we worked out a system with the kids and feeding everyone. By February 2018, we had reached what i assumed was the total annialiation of our relationship. It nearly was.

I am now at a stage in my life, where I have no time for myself.

My partner had a TIA (Transient Ischemic Attack - mini stroke) on about 09 February 2018. Of course, we didn't know what had taken place. Some things happened that I won't explain right now. We didn't know what happened and it disappeared and he left it alone. On my birthday, 21 February, he had a full on stroke. He was paralysed in the right side of his body (He has ADHD - so this was terrible for him) He was in hospital for a week from 22 February and unknown to me, he signed himself out having me think they letting him come home on 27 February.

His speech was in tact, he had slowly started recovery in his leg, and his arm was well on it's way to recovery. On 23 March, he had a massive stroke. He has been in hospital ever since. He cannot speak, he is semi-paralysed. He is now in a rehab centre.

I literally spend my time, going to work, seeing to the kids and visiting him. And the finances suck to be honest.

This is my life right now as it stands. It hasn't killed me, but I'm going to be a super-saiyan If i get any stronger. Just putting it out there. Have an awesome day.