It has been a long time since I've blogged. Almost certainly more than 10 years, probably nearer 20. I'm aware that Steemit's regarded as a Social Media platform, rather than purely a blogging platform but for me, I'll be approaching this as my blog. Not the kind of blog where I write about my daily activities or what I've been doing but more as an opportunity to decompress.

I'm in my 40's now with 2 fairly young children. The eldest is 8 and the youngest is 5. We're currently going through the process of seeking support for our 8yo. We're aware that he's "neurodivergent" and in our case, probably ADHD although some also suspect an element of autism. It's all well and good knowing this and perhaps getting a diagnosis but the reality of life is that it won't help day to day. It's exhausting and all advice seems to put an even greater pressure on parents to do more to support them. When in all honesty, we're also running on empty and have no more to give.

Which is why I'm here. I need a release... somewhere to write honestly and openly. Not to anybody in particular, but also to everybody.

I completed an MBA some years ago too and one thing that benefited me greatly was the practise of reflection. A practise that I'm not good at doing. Pen and paper was always good. I'd have my "wheel of life" which should be in complete balance / harmony at all times for a peaceful mind... but never was. I'm going to try to digitise some of that and if I'm typing (without people seeing that I'm physically writing) then I won't get the "oh, you're doing you're reflection, that's nice". Which makes the process less about me and loses something personal. Something private. I think I'll burn all of my previous reflections on the BBQ when I get home. That's what my blog will be. My reflections, probably daily in an effort to better understand myself.

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Wheel of Life

I can't remember what colours my chart should be. I'll need to check when I get home and get my template right. It doesn't really matter at this point. And I'm obviously typing this in a bad state as my ratings are all rather low. That's not important though. The importance is highlighting where I need to improve. What will balance out my circle. Over time, I'll build up a picture of where my days sit - what area of my circle is receiving the most attention. Family's quite low considering it's where 90% of my effort goes. Although Physical Environment is almost certainly taking a lot as I renovate the house.

Health (3)

I've always struggled to keep healthy. I'm currently around 88kg - not horrendous but not great either. I want to be nearer to 85kg.

Friends (3)

I find this one difficult. I have a couple of long term friends, nether of which live near to me. I moved to my current home 7 years ago and whilst I know plenty of people, I suspect that if we moved away, then I'd quickly lose touch with all of them.

Family (4)

I sacrifice so much for my family. So much time and effort - it's almost certainly why I get up each morning. Not for me, but for them.

Career (6)

It's difficult to define career these days. I've been self-employed for about a decade, taking on the occasional project that fits my life circumstances. My career is to my suiting and needs to fit around school runs, childcare and house renovations. Whilst I'm not working at the moment in the career sense of the word, I'm happy with its current state.

Finances (7)

The bank account's fine. I keep track of our money each month and whilst everything is getting more expensive and bills are going up, we're in an ok place at the moment.

Personal Growth (2)

2's perhaps a little harsh. I've learnt a lot recently having taken up a tiled floor, screeded, laid some wet UFH (Underfloor Heating) mats, self-levelled and tiled on top. It doesn't feel a lot like growth, more of a grind because I couldn't find anybody else to pay to do it!

Fun & Recreation (4)

And the above is why Fun & Recreation isn't great. Although I have started playing GTA V to take my mind off things. Motorbikes are a pain where I live - so noisy in a peaceful area so whenever I'm driving in the game and see a motorbike, I'm sure to smash into it in my car 😆

Physical Environment (4)

This is also tricky. Our house is a mess as we currently don't have the downstairs loo, utility room or entrance hall because they're being renovated. This time next week though, the loo should be back in action and hopefully I'll be a bit closer to finishing the other 2. I'm just waiting for people to get back to me. I've wasted so many months waiting.

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Anyway, the point of this wasn't to do too much now. It was to get started. I can think about cover image and avatar and get my profile looking pretty on the off chance that somebody stumbles across my musings at some point. Hopefully over time, these reflections will improve my currently fragile mental state.