Get unstuck – change your mindset, not your job (yet)!

Yes, it’s true, people spend more time at work than anywhere else. We work insane hours in high stress, thankless environments. In a nutshell work often feels like a burden instead of a source of livelihood. If you focus solely on it or constantly reflect on the craziness of it all, you will create problems in your life. If you are fortunate to work in an environment that is free from stress, anxiety, and frustration, stop reading and stay tuned for other great topics. For the not so fortunate, there are simple steps you can take to Get Unstuck!

The concept of gravity

No, I am not talking about that natural phenomenon by which all things with mass are forced to come down and stay down. My meaning of gravity is something I adopted and thus developed an “Aprilism” and mantra for early on in my career. It proved to be very beneficial to me in the way I led and influenced others. Quite simply it helped me, my teams and clients stay focused and unstuck. Gravity is a “thing” you can’t change, impact or do something about at this moment.

So, let’s explore this a little more. Think about it, usually when we become annoyed, complain, get upset, or have anxiety or fear it’s usually about a “thing” (and in this case “thing” can also mean a person, company, customer, etc.) that we are experiencing, and it is impacting us in a way that we either don’t like, accept or understand. When it happens, we focus on it, it may consume us, we keep talking about it or bringing it up, we worry, we cry, we argue, we fight, we shut down, we drink, we leave……you get the point. We end up giving an awful amount of time and energy to something in that moment we can’t change. But guess what? You can Do Something! As the song “One Nation Under a Groove” by Funkadelic reminds me, and I will paraphrase and change it up for these purposes, ‘this is a chance to find a way out of your constriction’. You always have a choice when faced with gravity and you must train yourself to focus on what you can do and will do and not on what gravity is doing to you.

Example: Taylor worked on a project for several months and was just told by a manager that it will not be launched due to lack of funds or resources available to assist.
Option 1 for Taylor – Begin to fume inside and think about all the long hours, hard work meetings, sacrifices, headaches, and incredible stress experienced. Then commence to debate with the manager and express frustration with the leadership and company.
Option 2 for Taylor – Feel a little deflated at first, but then think about how the project helped developed a better working relationship with others. There is a work product for performance that can be showcased. When the company is ready, that work can be pulled of the shelf and ready to go. Realize that the compensation/paycheck was for the work and perhaps ask for some flex time or hours off to recharge.

When faced with problems

I don’t give advice. How can I? I am not you and there is no way I can uniquely and intimately understand your challenges. So why do you take advice from others? Don’t get me wrong, hearing a worthy perspective from someone else can spark new ideas or a different interpretation of the problem or even an epiphany. However, always remember that someone’s opinion is simply their view based on limited knowledge of the facts, interactions and their personality and emotional makeup. Despite how good or bad the advice may be, it is you who will live with the decision, outcome and consequences. So how do I address every problem or decision I face? I ask myself what is the worst-case scenario? Or to put it another way what is the worst possible practical outcome? (Bear with me, I don’t mean to take you to a negative place but there is a reason to explore this. The term practical is in there to avoid an extremist view.) Once I have, my worst possible practical outcome, I then ask myself how I would prepare for that. Literally, I ask myself what would I do, how would I do it, where can I go for help, what steps would I take, when will I take action. Lastly, I ask myself can I live with it? Meaning, can I get through it or manage it if it happened? If the answer is yes, then I know my decision tree. I am prepared to except the worst possible practical outcome and I will put some things in place to prepare myself in case it happens. Now to put a positive spin on this……Anything else will be a true upside (for some a blessing).

Example: Jordan has been hearing that the company may be acquired, and everyone is panicked about layoffs. Jordan is already living paycheck to paycheck and can barely afford gas every week because rent is so high.
Option 1 for Jordan – Join in the discussion with colleagues and complain about the company and leadership for even considering selling. Join colleagues who have committed to stop working so hard so that they can focus on looking for a job. Do extensive research to learn about the acquiring company and spend lots of time trying to find out anything he can about what’s going on. Some colleagues are jumping ship already.
_Option 2 for Jordan_ – Realize that change is inevitable and that most change is not bad. Examine the knowns and unknowns. Think about the bright side, a new company/owner could revitalize the place and be eager to learn of a talent like Jordan. Think of the downside, also known as the worst possible practical outcome. The new company can come in and layoff Jordan.

To prepare, Jordan takes the following actions:

In the meantime, Jordan has decided to kick it up a notch to not give management a reason to give him walking papers. He approaches management and volunteers to help with the due diligence process by updating org charts and mapping out work flows.

How to better handle the stress and frustration

• Make your hours productive and avoid being at work longer than you need to be – When at work, get your work done period. Yes, exchange pleasantries or even multi-task by letting someone pull up a chair for a brief meeting while you continue. Better yet, when they approach, stand, so you can have a stand-up meeting and avoid them getting comfortable. Politely and conveniently excuse yourself when colleagues want to chat about how miserable things are at work. The point is blow off steam after work and utilize time at work to finish and avoid working longer when you could be home or elsewhere. Try to leave work at work and not bring the stress home. If you can reduce how much time you spend at work you can reduce the stress you take home. If you must stay or take work home with you, you’ll find that as you become more productive, the frequency or amount of work requiring extra time should decrease. If you need help getting organize or syncing everything up, there are lots of free project and task management software resources out there like trello, wrike, etc., that are easy to use. Oh, I almost forgot. Do take your lunch or breaks (no exceptions).

• Learn your triggers – Start by identifying your sources of stress. This doesn’t have to be a big exercise but simply write down some of the big issues you are dealing with right now and the things that irritate you. Then add the thoughts, feelings and behaviors you experience or the reactions from family, friends, colleagues you’ve notice when you react. Once you are aware of them you can work on recognizing when you’re getting upset or starting to behave like a victim. There are also near little surveys by simple searching that can give you some insight into your triggers. Here’s one:

http://psychologytoday.tests.psychtests.com/take_test.php?idRegTest=3362

• Learn monkey management – Do people come to you with issues and problems and drop them off like donations at Goodwill? If so, you just inherited a monkey! If you’re not familiar with the phrase, it is a metaphor for taking an unwanted problem. You can form a mental picture of taking the monkey off their back and putting it onto yours. Hence, don’t take the monkey! We all have done it and sometimes taking the monkey is gravity and can’t be avoided. You may also be a monkey giver. Eh? In any event, avoid monkeys when you can by tactfully asking others what they plan to do about it.

• Form a personal habit that’s all about you – To sound like a broken record, you have stop consistently and exclusively putting all other needs and everything else and above yourself. Or in my best flight attendant voice, “put your mask on first before assisting others”. We all need something that takes our minds off work and other worries. You need an outlet to release, relax and recharge. It’s not the same for everyone. Some have the ability to disconnect and vegetate. For others, it may be a vigorous activity they enjoy. If all you are doing is working and making everything and everyone else a priority over yourself, then you are a bear and there is a reason why we avoid them.

Find yourself some pleasure!
• Take up a hobby
• Volunteer
• Pamper yourself – commit to do so at an interval -This could simply be doing something you enjoy (Karaoke, movies, paint, acupuncture, etc.)
• Play sports or workout
• Join a free group with your interests (Meetup, Facebook, Church, etc.)

How do you do it?

• Put it on your calendar as busy time and set a notification reminder
• Tell as many people as you can about it and you may feel compelled to have something to report when they ask you how it’s going.
• Appoint an accountability partner

• Take a staycation – I didn’t say take a vacation because in my heart I really feel if most people can they will. Perhaps I am fooling myself, but I truly believe that the vast majority take them even if it’s a mini-one. For the small population that do not I truly recommend a therapist if it’s a personal choice/behavior. If it’s for financial reasons, please find a financial resource that can help you start the steps to find financial peace. Yet, the concept of staycation, should happen at least twice a month in my opinion. Whether you participate in local leisure activities, simply choose to sleep or do a Netflix/TV marathon reserve and protect that time. Have someone take you hostage or lock you in the room if necessary.

• Find resources to solve problems – Whatever you feel is holding you back or causing you to get unstuck…...I have to say my friend, it’s an excuse! Do something! Most companies that offer benefits have an EAP (Employee Assistance Program). In my 20+ years of HR and Management experience, it is the most underutilized benefit when offered. Yet it is a place where some of the most qualified experts and professionals are available to you for free or pennies on the dollar. It is also strictly confidential, and your employer will never know you are using the services (unless you tell them). If you are in a job without benefits, again that is no excuse. Google is always our friend and can help you find similar resources and discounts.
Here are some examples issues EAPs provide support for (not exhaustive)
• Major life events, including births, accidents and deaths
• Health concerns
• Financial
• Child care/aging parent concerns
• Substance abuse
• Stress (occupational & emotional)
• Legal concerns
• Family & personal relationship issues
• Work relationship issues

BE DOWN WITH EAP!!

• Meditate, pray, call it a day! – Each day (try to make it multiple times), find a comfortable spot and take a mental break. During this time, commit to speaking positive affirmations aloud. Perform breathing and stretching exercises while you solemnly declare your truth. Make your own list but it might include,
• “I enjoy and look forward to going to work every day”
• “I am happy throughout the day”
• “I am very happy to be employed I am confident in my abilities at work”
• “I am optimistic about my future”
• “I remain positive despite those who are negative around me”
• “I timely complete my work and don’t take it home with me”
• “When I get home from work, I can easily stop thinking and talking about work”
• “I have the answers within me”

So here is where I leave you. I hope that you will use some of these suggestions to Get Unstuck! I’ll leave you with a checklist that you can use repeatedly or even as a to do list.

Get Unstuck Checklist!
 I put my habit into my calendar
 I complete my habit with few cancellations or reschedules
 I joined a group regarding my interests
 I have planned my staycations
 I have taken my staycations
 I have researched or called EAP or found a resource online to help me
 I have told people I trust about my efforts to get unstuck
 I have found an accountability partner
 I have learned my triggers
 I have developed ways to cope with my triggers
 I am more productive at work
 I spend less time at work
 I take work home less
 I meditate, pray, call it a day!

Thanks for Reigning!

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