The Usage of Language Before and After Marriage
Introduction
Human being as the brain-used creature has a language to communicate as the part of human culture. As Victoria fromkin, Robert Rodman ad Nina Hyams (2003:4) views that “..language means the capacity to produce sound that signify certain meanings and to understand or interpret the sound produced by other”. It means that language can be the ability of human being communicate by using their voice and also know the meaning of other’s language. In addition, the deaf can communicate too although they disable to hear the voice. That kind of people usually use their gesture or body language to show their language. It is similar with the dumb, in which is not capable to produce voice, have to show their language by using gesture or body language. How the language used is depend on the human himself. Therefore, either produce voice or use gesture to communicate is a example of human culture which is named language.
Human as social creature always use language in their social life. People sometimes seek, convince, persuade or otherwise change other people's minds. It means that the language use is extremely important. Each word is a little packet of meaning from which the other person infers understanding. It gets even more complex when words combine in the semantics of entire sentences. The meaning of the every sentence can be different depend on the social environment. Therefore, there is a relevancy between language and social which can be called the sociolinguistics.
Sociolinguistics is the branch of Linguistics which study about language, language use and the social context in human’s social life. The usage of language is one of several aspects of society which can be observed. However, usage of language cannot be separated from language and social context as they influence each other language as the part of human culture is used by human being in different social context. The social context is a result of human culture which is explained by using language with a good language use.
As the social creature, human always needs each other to fulfill their necessity. A man needs a woman as his life companion. To build a good communication, language use is actually important, specially, when they are in boy or girl friend relationship. A good chosen word can sustained the relationship into the next relation which is marriage. However, the usage of language before and after marriage can change.
According to Victoria fromkin, Robert Rodman ad Nina Hyams (2003:445) stated that “.. all the speaker of English can talk to each other and pretty much understand each other. Yet, no two speak exactly alike. Some differences are due to age, sex, size, speech rates, emotional state, state of health and whether English is a first language. Other differences come from word choice, the pronunciation of words and grammatical rules.” Speakers, both man and woman, have differences to express their language. it will cause the changes of language usage in couple. The writer has asked to some couples who are one-year- marriage to ten-years marriage. There are some differences of language use before and after marriage. Based on the information of some respondents, the writer divided the differences in some categories. They are age, gender, speech rates, emotional state, state of health, and word choice in which are related to sociolinguistics and some categories based on the experiences of respondents.
Research Question
- How the change of language use that occur before and after marriage ?
- What the factors that influence the change of language use before and after marriage ?
Literature Review
Cf. Relatio Synodi (2014:4) states that Married love is a unique form of love between a man and woman which has a special benefit for the whole of society. According to Sherif Girgis cited in John M. Finnis (1996: 246) marriage is the union of a man and a woman who make a permanent and exclusive commitment to each other of the type that is naturally (inherently) fulfilled by bearing and rearing children together. The spouses seal (consummate) and renew their union by conjugal acts—acts that constitute the behavioral part of the process of reproduction, thus uniting them as a reproductive unit. Marriage is valuable in itself, but its inherent orientation to the bearing and rearing of children contributes to its distinctive structure, including norms of monogamy and fidelity. This link to the welfare of children
also helps explain why marriage is important to the common good and why the state should recognize and regulate it.
According to Fromkin (2013:447) there are some factors the differences of language use before and after married, as follow :
- Age
Age is one factor that can cause the differences of language use before and after marriage. The one who is older is automatically more respected. Actually before marriage, the man who is usually older than woman, use the language more formally and act just as the brother or guardian for the woman. He will pay his attention to his girl friend. - Gender
Gender is a factor that can cause the differences of language use before and after marriage. It is caused of the hormone of woman is higher than man. Therefore, woman can be easier to be angry, sad, and happy. Before marriage, the woman usually become calm and does not show their feelings. She just expresses her happiness and hides her sadness. Besides, after marriage, the woman change, she can easily be angry specially if she has a son or daughter. - Speech Rates
Speech rates is one of the some factors that always cause the differences of language use before and after marriage. It clearly become a factor to almost all women and a few men before and after marriage. The woman who has speech rates higher than a man. Before marriage, the woman usually hold back her fussy in other to interest the man. But, after marriage, the woman is free to express her opinion to her husband. In addition, the presence of their children cause the woman more fussy than before. However, a few man can be more fussy after marriage as their natural from his childhood. - Emotional States
The emotional state is almost similar with the speech rate as it will also cause the fussy of the woman after marriage. However, it closely related to the hormone and the natural of woman herself who always become more emotional than a man. The emotional state can affect to the condition of woman facing the problem. Because of that, woman become easier to be angry, panic, happy and sad. After married, the woman can be more emotional than before marriage Besides, man become calmer than before marriage as he can control his emotion. - State of Health
Healthy is an another factors of the differences of language use before and after marriage. The one who has no a good health can be more frustrated than the healthy. As the sick man or woman cannot speak normally as he or she is difficult to express their feeling beside the pain of their body. So that, the sick people can be sadder and submit to his fate of illness. However, in the context of before marriage, man or woman will give more attention by word. But, after marriage, the spouse will pay more attention by action, specially man. - The Word Choice
The word choice is one of the most influenced factor that can show the differences of language use before and after marriage. Before the marriage, both man and woman will chose the formal word for the first meeting and the suitable word choice for making the girl or boy friend interested. After the marriage, the word choice is forgotten by both man and woman. They can use every single word which they want, even the taboo. The taboo is “the word which is forbidden or avoided to be said. It is similar with Victoria fromkin, Robert Rodman ad Nina Hyams (2003: 476) explained that “.. because it has cruel meaning”. As before marriage, both man and woman avoid to use taboo word to express their opinion or idea. But after marriage, the usage of taboo word become normal to express their idea or opinion.
Based on the problem of this research, this research has the problem related to the Sociolinguistics. Sociolinguistics is the branch of Linguistics which study about language, language use and the social context in human’s social life.
Ronald Wardhaugh (2006:1) views that any discussion of the relationship between language and society, or of the various functions of language in society, should begin with some attempt to define each of these terms. Let us say that a society is any group of people who are drawn together for a certain purpose or purposes. By such a definition ‘society’ becomes a very comprehensive concept, but we will soon see how useful such a comprehensive view is because of the very different kinds of societies we must consider in the course of the various discussions that follow. And a language is what the members of a particular society speak.
According to Robert S Baurer (2011:5) Sociolinguistics is the study of the relationship between language and society; it focuses on how language is used by the individual speaker and groups of speakers in its social context.
Methodology
The kind of this study is qualitative methodology. According to John Gerring (2010:86) qualitative methodology is studies are designed to obtain information concerning that current status of phenomena. They are directed toward determining the nature of a situation as it exist at the time of the study.
The researcher use the 5 participants as a respondent of this research. In this researcher, the researcher use semi structured interviews on June, 10th 2017 are carried out to investigate the factors that influence language use before and after marriage.
The researcher used interview as the methods to collect the data and analyzed the data based on the answers given by the participant. The researchers used a recording and note taking for further analysis. For the data analysis, the researcher used and modified the Fishman’s concept on the theory of the domain of language use (cited in Holmes, 1992).
Result and Discussion
Based on the supporting theoretical framework above the researcher found the result as follow
There are some factors in language use before and after marriage, namely :
Age
Age is one factor that can cause the differences of language use before and after marriage. After marriage, the man usually expresses their power to the woman, as he is older than his wife. The examples are below:
Before marriage : “ honey, don’t forget to have lunch..”
After marriage: “honey, please bring the lunch here. I’m hungry..”
From the example, we can conclude that age is a factor the differences of language use after and before marriage.Gender
Gender is a factor that can cause the differences of language use before and after marriage. after marriage, the woman change, she can easily be angry specially if she has a son or daughter. The examples are below:
Before marriage: Man : “I’m sorry honey. Don’t be angry with me, please!”
Woman: “ I’m fine. I am not angry I just worried about you!”
After marriage: Man : “I’m sorry honey. Don’t be angry with me, do you?”
Woman: “you know. You’re son crying all the time. You come home late. There’s no dinner for you!” ( the woman is angry and after that cry)Speech Rates
Speech rates is one of the some factors that always cause the differences of language use before and after marriage. a few man can be more fussy after marriage as their natural from his childhood. The example of the speech rate are below;
Before marriage : man : “ honey, did you see my glasses?
Woman: “ no, I didn’t. perhaps, you forgot to put it somewhere.”
After marriage : man : “ honey, did you see my glasses?”
Woman: “you always did it, didn’t you? You always put your stuff every where you want. ….”
( it will be too long if the writer type all the conversation of the woman as she is too fussy)Emotional State
The emotional state is almost similar with the speech rate as it will also cause the fussy of the woman after marriage. man become calmer than before marriage as he can control his emotion. Therefore, the emotional state can cause some differences of language use as below.
Before marriage ; man : “I got the accident before arriving here.”
Woman: “owh.. I’m sorry. Are you hurt?”
After marriage :man : “ I got the accident before arriving here.”
Woman: “where..? when..? do you get hurt? What about the motorcycle? Is it broken?” (as the woman is more fussy and emotional. Then,the man cannot answer all of the question at his condition.)State of Health
Healthy is an another factors of the differences of language use before and after marriage. after marriage, the spouse will pay more attention by action, specially man.
Before marriage : man : ” have you get some medicine? You should have lunch…”
Woman: “ thanks, honey..”
After marriage :man : “ do you want to have lunch? What kind of meal you want? I will buy it. After that, let’s go to hospital!”
Woman: “thanks, honey”.The Word Choice
The word choice is one of the most influenced factor that can show the differences of language use before and after marriage. after marriage, the usage of taboo word become normal to express their idea or opinion. The example can be read below
Before marriage :man : ” owh.. you stubbed my toe”
Woman: “ I’m sorry honey. I did’t mean to..”
After marriage :man : “ owh.. sht. you stubbed my toe.”*
Woman:. “ I’m sorry honey. I did’t mean to..”
In addition, there are some differences of language use before and after married but it is not related to criteria above. The differences of language use is based on the experiences of the responden. The writer will explain the differences below:
The way for calling the spouse
The way for calling the spouse of every couple is different. It is according to their agreement. Actually, they way for calling spouse before married is more romantic than after marriage. For example :”honey”, “baby”, “sayang”, “cinta”, “kanda”, “dinda”, “abang”, “adek”, and so on. However, after marriage this “calling” is changed. Specially, if the spouse have a baby, they will change the “calling” into an appropriate word such as “dady”, “mamy”, “abi”, “umi ”, “ayah”, “bunda”, “papa”, “mama”, “bapak” and “mamak”. That is to create a family condition for their baby. As the result, the baby will call his father and mother such as “ayah” and “bunda”. If the spouse did not change the “calling”, it would be sure that the baby will call his father or mother as “honey” for example. Therefore, the differences of language use before and after marriage certainly happen specially when the spouse have a baby.
The abbreviation for greeting
Greeting is the first word we say when we meet, call or send someone a message. As a muslim we should greeting by saying “assalamu’alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh”. The longer the greeting, the more polite the speaker. Before marriage, both man and woman should show their polite and respect to interest his or her spouse. At the first meeting, generally the man or the woman says the greeting completely. And then, slowly but surely they will use the abbreviation for the greeting “assalamu’alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh” become “assalamu’alaikum”. Moreover, after get married, the greeting become shorter such as “ salam”. The worst is as they send a message to his or her spouse, they just write “ass” or “aslmkm”. Not only in message, the abbreviation for greeting when the spouse calling is changed to “mekom” or “salamekom”. Actually that is the wrong abbreviation as it change the meaning of greeting although some of us today can understand about the abbreviation of greeting. Therefore, the abbreviation of greeting either in calling or in sending message is a part of the differences of language use before and after marriage.
The way for showing care and attention
The way for showing care and attention can be changed before and after marriage. As showing care and attention is the way to interest the spouse, most of people always become more care to his or her spouse. Before marriage, man and woman can show their attention and care by sending a message or saying such as “ how are you, honey?”, or “have you had lunch? Would you like to have lunch with me?”. It can be more specially when the spouse is sick. However, after marriage, the man or woman can be more caring or not depend on the character of each person. For the “shy man or woman” , they just take care the spouse and less talking too much. Beside the other kind of person, they just become more care to his or her spouse. Perhaps they will say “ what kind of food you want? I will buy it if you want to eat”. Therefore, the way for showing care and attention can be different according to their status.
The way for showing honesty
Honesty of a relationship is the more important thing than anything else. The honesty of one another is necessary to believe in the spouse. The honesty can be showed by act or conversation. Before the marriage, the degree of honesty is less than after marriage. Because of afraid to be abandoned, the man and woman try to be the perfect one to interest the boy or girl friend. They will lie about the worst attitude and be honest about the good attitude. For example, many of woman says “I eat a little carbohydrate.. I’m diet”. On the contrary, after marriage, both man and woman become more honest to their spouse unless it relate to another partner. The woman who said she was diet before marriage, actually eat more after marriage such as “ I can eat anything as I am a mother. No matters be a little fat. ”
The sense of humor
The sense of humor is necessary in a relationship. It can avoid the bored in relationship. The amount sense of humor can be changed according to the condition the relationship. Actually before marriage, the sense of humor is less than after marriage. It can be caused by the less material for laugh together and the period of time when the couple meeting. But, after marriage, the sense of humor become more as there are many materials that can be build as a joke. In addition, many of respondents said that their spouse became more funny since they get married.
The using of hyperbole
Hyperbole is style of showing more power of subject or material. It always used by the man to persuade his girlfriend to make her interested. In Bahasa the usage of hyperbole is called “lebay” such as “meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choide, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control” or in Bahasa is “bertemu denganmu adalah takdir, menjadi temanmu adalah pilihan, tapi jatuh cinta padamu benar-benar diluar dayaku”. However, the using of hyperbole can be often used after marriage. It because of there is a little spare time as the busy of activities or take care of baby. Therefore, the language use before and after marriage is different.
The way for showing anger
Anger is a part of emotional than naturally is belong to every human being. In relationship between man and woman. The anger can be happened. Whereas, there is a different language use before and after marriage. For example, before marriage, the couple will call each other “adek” or “my dear” although they are still angry. However, after marriage to call “kau” in which it is ruder become a choice when a couple is angry. Therefore, the language use will change from “adek” become “kau” which is a little rude to be said.
Conclusion
Based on the problem above is found that there are many factors influence language use before and after marriage. They are age, gender, speech rate, emotional state, state of health and the word choice. This kind of the research is qualitative methodology, using the semi structure interview toward 5 respondents. The finding of this research is so many the change of language use before and after marriage based on the result of the interview. Usually the man change the spoken language when they talk with his wife and vice versa.
References
Bauer, Robert s. 2011 What is Sociolinguistics?Hongkong : Department of Linguistics University of Hong Kong.
Cf. Relatio Synodi of the Third Extraordinary General Assembly of the Synod of Bishops: ‘Pastoral Challenges of the Family in the Context of Evangelisation’ (5–19 October 2014), 4.
Fromkin,Victoria, Robert Rodman and Nina Hyams. 2003. An Introduction to Language, Seventh Edition. USA: Thomson Wadsworth.
Gerring, John. 2003. Case study Research Principles and Practices, Boston: Cambridge university press.
Holmes, J. 1992. An Introduction to Sociolinguistics. (4th ed.). London: Pearson Education.
Wardhaugh, Ronald. 2006. An Introduction to Sociolinguistics. USA: Blackwell Publishers.