Introduction of myself - part 3

So in last part i was close to telling u how i met this junkie friends of mine..
I dont remember much details because i was under influence of high dose of medicines and god knows what injections, but i remember after i missed my exams because i was so famous in that town that the word spread like fire to every one it was a small town so ofcourse every one knew everyone, people started to ignore me my buddies had things to do and my social butterflies started to study so they didnt had time for me and my nerd she stopped talking to me at all. Till now i have not talked to her i always imagine how it will be if i meet her now?
Now that i know who and what i am will it be awkward or i'll be as confident as i was back then or i'll just run the other way so much questions for which i dont have any answers,
Back in those days i felt like my life is over i tried to commit suicide but i was saved. Then i learnt the way to forget the emotional pain it was by physical pain, so i used to cut myself where no one can see. I have some scars which put me in line if now i start to get over my head. So back in those days i started to avoide going to school then i become this angry good for nothing teen,
I started to smoke because it made me feel numb for a while then i saw this advertisment for animation institute and i thought why not i'll get to leave the hell hole that was my home at least for some hours, my father was happy because he thought that he got a point to blackmail me into completing my high school. So he made a promise to me if i complete my high school he will let me learn animation.
Till then i started to like the stuff so i was delighted to hear that. Now that institute was just a basic course for students who wants to learn in big institutions like arena and maac or dsk. And father knew that, and till then i knew that i have already lost my chance at being an aeronautical engineer. So my career was already over for me. I was depressed i was angry, i was sad, that was my 1st heart break the nerd girl. I still sometimes remember her when i am doing something she was a goodie two shoe. Always good and smiling even if you tease her or put water all around her and her stuff, she wont say anything (i didnt do that but my friends did and i force my nerd to tell it to the respected athorities about the insident i got punished for it but it was worth it. ) When i remember our time together i realize that we were in a realationship without labeling it a relationship. If it makes any sense i used to walk her home pick her up but without anyone seeing us together because she was a nerd i didn't wanted to spoil my reputaion by being with a nerd. What a strange thing it is now days i do the opposite thing.
So i completed my high school and then asked my father to enroll me in that animation institute, and what a big blackmailer my father was he gave me an option if i want to join the institute i will have to join the nearest college where i was selected for engineering, and that college was an hour from my house on the opposite side of the institute, but i was determined to join the institute so i said yes. I started both of them at the same time so i didnt had much time because i thought that i have wasted enough time of my life i was 17 and i should do something with my life then to waste it on drugs and alcohol. I still used to meet my junkies i used to stay with them and go to college from there and i completed the animation course in an year. Till then i had already started to work as a photographer and whatever i can do to earn enough money to leave my house. I started to do photography gigs with friend of mine who had dslr camera i used to go with him because i had no other work to do and i was bored he taught me how to click a picture on auto mode, i started to work with him as his camera person at the age of 16 or something. So at 19 i had done enough research and i took enough online tutorials to learn the technical stuff related to camera because i didnt had any dslr camera. I used to have one only when i used to go with him for some shoots. So i used to learn everything theoretically and apply that into pratical when i used to get my hands on camera.As well i used to write articles for well known gernalists and do some paper work for some people.
There was this man who saw potential in me and offer me a stable income for teaching his students photography he said that his feild is so exausting that some people leave before completing because they gets dipressed so to make them focused they need something else to take there stress out of there system i saw the apportunity and i grabbed it with both of my hands and this is how i who had no academic qualifications to teach photography become a photography tutor for future chartered accountants.
I had no certificates nor i had any qualifications to to all that i am not going to bore with the strugle i had to go through to do all that and find the right people and all.
Once i completed my animation i told my father that i am leaving engineering and i am going to join the best animation institute in the area at that time.Ofcourse you know what he said so i packed my bags the same day and left to this girls house who i met through my junkie group, i lost my verginity to her when i was 15. She was staying with her boyfriend at the time she knew that i like her and she was bicurious i thought i am the only freak who like girls, i thought i will never find anyone else so i started to think that whatever and however she can give me is enough for me, remember after the rumours of me being a psycho got out i lost all my confident i become a shell of the person i was, so i was like a puppy to her she used me the way she liked, not sexualy it was before we were sexually involved. My mind was always foggy in the influence of the prescribled drug. But once i stopped taking it my mind got a little clear. Then we started to talk normally and we become friends, her boyfriend was an asshole so she used to confined with me one day she told me that she is curious about how does this work, and with alcohol involved one thing let to another and we had sex, now i am not sure if i can call it a one sided sex or what because she never returned the favour but alas it was fabulous, i knew then that i like girls for sure. And we started our affair it lasted till i left for the big city of dream mumbai at the age of 19. So when the guy approached me with his offer after i completed my 1st deploma in animation i was delighted to know that he wants me to move near the area where his institution was. And fortunetly it was the hub in mumbai. I found the branch of the insitute i wanted and got selected to attend the advance diploma course there.. till then i was well aware that i am either bisexual or lesbian, so it was a good decession to shift. The junkies help me find a nice cheap place in budget which was a crappy hole to shelter myself and we parted our ways. I was alone again without parents or any support from my friends but they said it is good for me i am not totally gone case so its better they stay away from me. I am thankful to them now that i realized what would've my life been if i would have stayed and get more involved then i was..

• you can call me H

Ps. I think this is again taking too much time whenever i am trying to finish so i better finish ut here on a happy note how i came to be an adult then to just write my whole story on display. If you want to read more then i can write but i dont want to bore you with this stuff. I should post some nice post then to post some long lost memories.