10 Sure Ways to Get Depressed

Have you still not given in to seasonal melancholy? Do you really want to get depressed, but just don’t know how or where to start? Remember: there is nothing you can’t do if you try very hard. Here’s a “Get depressed for dummies” beginner course you might want to consider.

Stop being concerned about your own life and start worrying about someone else’s.

Let your concern for others become your number one priority. Sacrifice yourself and everything you love for the good of someone else, and be very diligent about it: make sure you totally forget about what matters to you personally.

Don’t ever let your feelings show, especially anger.

Anger is very bad; and only bad people get angry. You don’t want to be a bad person, right?

Always owe something to someone, big time.

Let’s admit it: a simple money debt or a loan would be too trivial. It will be much better if you convince yourself you’ve got an irredeemable, life-long debt to your parents, family and children.

Never take credit for your own achievements.

That would show you are a petty, selfish person. Criticize yourself and always be unhappy, unimpressed, and dissatisfied with everything you do. Be a perfectionist, let your standards be impossible to achieve. Oh, and discard everything you have achieved so far: what’s done is done, it’s not worth being proud of, you can do better. There’s no limit to perfection, and though you know you’ll never be perfect in anything, you always have to try to be as close to your ideals as possible. Spend all your energy on it; and don’t you dare to give yourself a break.

Feel guilty as often as you can, even if there’s no particular reason for that.

After all, you could hurt someone’s feelings unknowingly, right? That happens all the time! For example, you refused to pick your friend up at the airport at midnight because you were sick with flu and had bad fever, and your friend is now very disappointed with you. It’s your fault; you are a bad person! Apologize as often as you can — because it’s always your fault, even if you try hard to do everything right. Did you breathe a lot in a bus/on a subway train on your way to work? Shame on you! It was stuffy and hot there, and you made it worse.

Never have an opinion of your own.

That’s not what polite people do.

Get concerned about what others think of you.

Try to do everything to make them notice you, be proud of you. Always meet expectations.

Take as much responsibility as possible.

Be responsible for all projects at work, your neighbor’s state of health, your spouse’s clothing choices, your kid’s choice of friends, your friend’s one night stands, your dad’s treatment course, your colleagues’ wellbeing and, naturally, your boss’s mood. And surely you can’t sleep well at night when there are so many children starving in Africa!

Don’t you ever dare to defend yourself and your interests!

Unless, of course, you need to feel guilty yet again… but if that’s not the case, don’t you dare! If a drunk fellow tries groping you in a bus, don’t try to walk away or complain — maybe he’s got issues and you are the only person who can help him! Obey courtesy rules and don’t stand out.

And don’t forget that anything, literally anything can happen!

This world is full of dangers, people are unfriendly and you must earn their love and respect or fie trying. Maniacs and murderers, scammers and liars are all around you, life is unpredictable and this won’t end well. So be sure to plan every little thing thoroughly, control and organize every detail. Be vigilant! Always get ready for the worst — this way you’ll never be taken off guard. Don’t laugh too often, for tomorrow may bring tears. In fact, it’s better to never laugh at all.

Well, there may be something I missed out. In case you feel like something is missing, feel free to add your efficient methods to get depressed. ;)